Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Dream Life

Hmmm, nothing happening. So I finally sat down and went through all
my mail which has been piling up for two weeks. I made myself
take the time to do this simple maintenance task. But then I find
catalogs with neat stuff, and I want to buy it all! Luckily I also
find the credit card bills, which returns me to my senses.....

Thinking about dreams. I had one so vivid last night that I can
still see it. On nights I don't take sleeping pills, I've had dreams
so wild and extravagant, they are unbelievable. Even I am not
creative enough to come up with these dreams. On nights with the
pills I still dream, but not as strongly.

Where do they come from? Last night I was a handsome man, a kind
adventurer (who was also a special agent assassin - don't ask me
how those qualities combine). He was in the most graphic, surreal
part fantasy, part science fiction world, with overtones of the
middle-east and industrial warehouses. The scenery was so strange
I can't even imagine where I pulled it from. I had one hair-raising
adventure after another. Every time I woke up with my heart
pounding, I went right back to sleep, and was off on another
adventure. Then my viewpoint switched and I was the woman he
loved - a beautiful whore, who serviced some pretty, er, unusual
alien's tastes. Then I was both of them off on a dual, intense
spy adventure.

I still think I am getting someone else's dreams. These never seem
to have anything to do with me, and I feel more like I am watching
elaborate cinemas but from the inside of the characters and I feel
everything they are feeling. I don't remember even having been two
people at once before, feeling all from both of them. Very odd.

I'm so fascinated by the dream state. I dream a lot! Many dreams a
night, in brilliant color. They often have a tinge of the macabre,
which is weird because I hate that stuff. I often wake up disturbed,
or with an emotional aftermath that can last into the day. My dreams
are so far beyond what other people tell me they dream, I keep
wondering what they really are.

They are often realer than my waking life. In real life, I am not
all that aware of my surroundings, and sort of wander in a daze
while pondering a technical problem, or how to deal with some
situation. I often 'come to' driving, or walking down the hall at
work, with no idea where I am, or where I was going. (I've gotten
used to being perpetually lost). I keep feeling the dreams are
something important - more than just processing the information
from the day. (I never have days that exciting!)

Have I tapped into the muses of the imagination? Is there a
wellspring somewhere that pours out this endless supply of things
beyond what we know? Is it a doorway that takes us far from those
pesky limits? Are dreams a training ground for the afterlife of the
mind, which continuously creates in an emulation of God? Are we
mini-gods that create tiny worlds and universes of our own?

It doesn't seem right that dreams are better than life. Makes life
a bit disappointing, doesn't it? I understand people who get lost
in a beautiful and exciting video games, when their life gets tough.
When my good friend was in his final two months of dying from
pancreatic cancer, horribly and painfully, I crawled into the video
game Final Fantasy X, and I didn't come out for 3 weeks.

Why can't we make real life better, so we want to stay here?


CP said...

Seems to me that what you are having is a combination of dreams and remote viewing. Dreams you are quite familiar with...if you're not sure about the veiwing part...look it up.

Susan Grandys said...

I'm not sure about the remote viewing. Sometimes it doesn't seem to part of this world, and is so bizzare that it cant be.

Some of the dreams where I am other
people, could be - but I don't think you see remotely from the "inside" of the person you are dreaming about. Wouldn't you see it from the outside. There is no essence of me in those dreams. I "am" the other person, thoughts and all.