Wednesday, March 15, 2006

On Hold

Still wishing for that happy feeling. I'm not having a bad time,
days are busy with lots to do, joking around with people and
talking. But I just feel like I'm coasting along. Waiting for
something to happen. I keep returning to this state of being.
Why? Isn't that a terrific waste of time? Do I just keep
waiting until I die? And then what was I waiting for?

I want to be more proactive, and find some real meaning and
purpose. But I can't think of what to do.

So I just try to care for those around me, and make their lives
more fun and bearable. I feel good about that, but I would like
that warm inner feeling to come back. The times when I can
actually love others, and feel something good, not just empty.

But when I dare to love anyone, something bad always happens.
Being loved by me is apparently an evil thing?

No comments: