Friday, March 24, 2006

Therapy Report - have FUN?

The hour before I had to go to my therapist for the first time, I
felt really nervous. I'm not sure why. More of the resistance to
the idea? I really don't want a therapist. So bourgeois!

But I went, and filled out paperwork for a half an hour. Then
I went and talked to the therapist (a middle aged woman - I felt
comfortable with) for over an hour. Mostly it was a million
questions, so she could come up with a treatment plan.

I liked her o.k., so I'm going back weekly for awhile. She nailed
a couple of things right off. She knew right away that I was
a "caretaker" type. I knew that, but hadn't realized why. From
about the age of 6, I had to take care of my sister and my mom
sometimes, and my dad was always gone. Often I was the force of
will in the family, because I had to make decisions for everybody.
My sister is a paranoid schizophrenic, and my mom had her

She also got out of me that one of the factors in being depressed
as a child, was I was really, really smart. I could read and write
at 3. I had a college reading level at the age of 8. I always felt
out of step and different than the other kids, because I didn't
relate to them, but I really wanted to be one of them. I hadn't
ever thought of it that way. Hmmmm, this therapist might be
clever, after all. I'll have to keep an eye on her....

Then she gave me homework!!! I didn't know you got homework. She
wants me to read a book on co-dependency (a danger for caretakers),
and I am required to have "fun" once a day. Fun?? I panicked. I
can't think of anything to do every day that is "fun".

I went out after work for the usual dinner and beer with my D.J.
friend, and we sat around for a couple hours and tried to think
of things that I would find fun. It is a pathetically short list.
And not really fun. Just stuff that I might enjoy a bit.
There are a lot of things I kind of enjoy, like my shows and
learning things, but those are more like work. They take an effort.

We tried to come up with just silly, frivolous things, with no
redeeming social value. We didn't do very well. Strange, the
director of my company just told us that in the work ahead, we
had to promise to take our vacations and "have fun". There. Two
people have required me to "have fun" in one week.

And I don't know how!


Big Phil said...

I've visited numerous therapists over the years. I've lost count.
The most recent seemed to best understand me and what seems to make me tick.
Maybe this was due to the fact I was totally honest with him about a lot of things.
That might tend to make a difference.

I understand what you mean by (gasp) have "fun"?
What is fun? This seems like an abstract concept to me.

The Manly Geek said...

Some silly humor that often makes me smile:

Susan Grandys said...

Phil - Yeah, I'm trying to be absolutely honest with the therapist - but it can be complicated. I can be diametrically opposed things at the same time - which do you approach. Do they all cancel each other out?

Manly Geek -
I will definitely check out the fun websites! Thanks for the pointers.