Tuesday, April 18, 2006

All that psychiatric stuff....

Well, I am indeed done with the therapy experiment. I went to tell
her today, and it turns out she was trying to figure out how to tell
me that she was leaving the agency. So we left each other :)

She asked me if I wanted another therapist, and I said no. She didn't
push me, since I am doing to extraordinarily well on the current
drugs. I don't think she thought the therapy was helping me either.
We never did really talk about any solutions. She was just too
determined to find some hidden early abuse or trauma that made me
so depressive, and seemed sure I was hiding it from her.

She can't accept that some people are just like that or it really
could be just chemical. I had a really, really boring childhood.
Not the stuff that great traumas are made of.... I got here on
my own :)

However I did talk her into reading the book "The Chemistry of Joy".
The book helped me more than anything she had me read, and she
got intrigued by it :) Do you know that therapists cost $175 and
Psychiatrists get $250? I saw the insurance bill and I couldn't
believe it. I wouldn't pay that much for not getting any help.

The drug is working too well. I was really wired today. It seems the
dose is a bit strong. I was ready to conquer Minneapolis, work
through the night, and then consider tackling Mt. Everest. I had to
keep slowing down and breathing deep calming breaths. I skipped one
of my pills and came back down to a more reasonable level.

It was kind of fun, but my heart was going too fast, so I thought
I should deal with it. I'm going to try 200 mg a day (instead of
300 mg). If I stabilize, then I'm supposed to try the timed released
version, so I don't get a jolt of the stuff, every time I take a
pill. The last drug just made me tired all the time, and this one
is like rocket fuel! It's like being bi-polar through chemistry.

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