Saturday, April 15, 2006

Discipline??

I rode out the withdrawal side effects and I've lost a pound and
a half since Wednesday. It's working! (and I'm not totally off the
drug yet.) I just have to keep from eating, I woke up at 4 am this
morning, starving.

I had to get up and eat some cereal so I could sleep. I have never
woken up and had to eat in the night, ever! I like sleeping more
than eating, and resent having to wake up :) The side effects were
gone by this morning. I should be off of Lexapro this coming week.
From what I've read, I'm having an easy transition.

Worked all day on editing the "Phil T. Interview". My gosh, we
talked so much, I don't think I will ever finish the edit! It
should go up today, but it will take me until tomorrow to finish
it. I have one more show recorded, and then I don't know if I
will continue the show or not. I'm thinking of some alternate types
of shows I could do, if no more interviews come up. With the next
one, I will have done 37 interview shows since I started in mid-
July. At about an hour apiece, that is quite a body of work,
and I'm pretty proud of it.

I finished the book "The Chemistry of Joy". The Buddhist Psychology
section hit me right between the eyes. For the first time I
recognized myself in one of these books. Great, my therapist doesn't
get me at all, but the Buddhists do. I just have to decide what
parts I want to address. Some I don't want to, I like those parts,
even if they bring me grief. I'm not willing to let go of those
parts of myself.

The "mindful meditations" suggested look good, might help a bit.
I've always been horrible at meditation, but these give you something
to do, while you are doing it. A more "active" meditation. That I
might be able to deal with.

I managed to do a little of the meditation for "opening the heart"
I felt something happening. The one I really need, is to be able
to "calmly watch my thoughts going by and let them happen without
judgment and let them pass". If I could do this with the worried
and anguished thoughts that I can get caught up in, I would be
much more able to cope with the hard times.

This is going to take some practice, and (shudder) "discipline".
Not one of my strengths. It is right there behind "patience".

5 comments:

Big Phil said...

Don't stop doing the show!
Maybe I can help you find victims.

David Cummer said...

I'm mid-way through "Joy" and according to it I'm a "Fire" What did you turn out to be?

We'll have to talk between shots this afternoon.

Oh, I went to the LiveJournal party at Minicon, and had a pretty good time.

Ta.

Susan Grandys said...

To Phil -
I suppose I should put out another call for "victims" for the show. I have a really hard time getting women to do the show. Also I really need to think up some new questions. I'm wonder if people are getting tired of the same questions.
(Though how many "big questions" can there be?

Susan Grandys said...

To David -
from the book it turns out my body is an "Earth", but my mind is an "Air". Makes it hard to decide what to do! I just need "more" of all the chemicals, I guess. Which is funny because I am also the Buddhist type "Fear and Grasping",
who always wants "more". In this case I probably actually need "more". Neruotransmitters, that is....

David Cummer said...

What would you think of interviewing Peg Kerr? I could drop her a line, if you'd like. (And I'll keep thinking along these lines.)

What about Val? Or would that be... I don't know --difficult?