Sunday, April 23, 2006

Don't try this at home....

I mean it! What I'm about to do, I don't recommend anyone do. I'm
going off the anti-depressant drugs. I am used to experimenting on
myself - and I've been researching the drugs, herbs, vitamins, and
Chinese medicine for as long as I can remember. I've always been my
own Guinea Pig. But don't you guys do it unless you do the research,
and are willing to live with the consequences. My doctors hate it that
I do this, but they haven't done any better for me.

It was my willingness to experiment, and ignore much of their
methods, that brought my diabetes under extreme tight control -
better than a person who doesn't have it can do. With luck, that
may save my life. Almost no one achieves tight control, and the
theory is, if you do, you wont suffer most of the complications of
diabetes: amputation, kidney failure, blindness, and 6 times more
likely to die of heart failure - to name a few fun facts.

I took 1/2 a pill this morning of the Wellbutrin, that's only 50 mg
(1/6 of a normal dose) and the dizziness and weird head feeling came
back. And a headache too. At this point I'm taking so little of the
drug, it can't be what is making my mood good, and the fact that my
body doesn't like it, probably means it doesn't need it or want it.

Yes, I did crash for many weeks in late February and March, but I
talked it over with a friend, and considering the causes of that
depression, my reactions were pretty appropriate to the situation.
It was a heartbreaking thing to go through and watch, and it would
screw up anyone. But I bounced back very quickly, for me.

I suspect that I am fine on my own now, that I healed up from all
the bad shit from the last year while on the drugs - it gave me the
space I needed, and stopped my brain from torturing me. I guess I'll
find out! I'm not taking any more Wellbutrin, and the Lexapro is
now entirely out of my system. I'm going to see what happens.

I guess you'll be the first to know if I fail in this experiment.
I'm sure to write about it! :)

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