Thursday, April 27, 2006

Imposing Meaning

Woo-hoo! Lost 4 pounds in 4 days! Still keeping up the pound a day
loss since going off the drugs (but remember, kids - Lexapro
absolutely doesn't cause weight gain - my doctors all told me so!!
I just can't resist rubbing that in. Though who am I rubbing it in
too? My doctors don't read my blog.....) I have so many empty
victories.

Thinking about a lost friend a lot today. I view the whole thing
much differently now (supposedly because I am struck with so much
sanity, these days). I wish I had known him when I was more sane,
but then again, I'm not sorry for anything I did. There was no way
to have done things differently at the time. Anyways, I truly hope
he is happy and doing well. I suppose I should learn how to get
really angry at people, when things go badly - but anger takes a
LOT of energy. I have always been far too lazy to be an angry or
unforgiving person. Much easier, that way :) O.K. so that one
wasn't a victory - meaningless or otherwise.

Working a lot these days. The problem with catching on to a new job,
is you start taking on too much. There is never enough time in a day
to get it all done. I'm staying 'til around 7 pm every night. I just
am toooooooo responsible for my own good. But I wouldn't do it, if
the work wasn't fun. (I learned some lessons at my last job. If it
isn't fun, go do something else!) Thank goodness I am under the
impression that work is a good time. Another self-imposed victory?

So human, to make a big deal out of pretty meaningless things.
To impose our own order on the chaos.
And think we have done good :)

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