Sunday, June 18, 2006

Discouragement Avoidance

Change? My will has been sapped. After 4 days of being well, the
sore throat and weakness is back. I'm so frustrated. Still trying
to push through anyways. Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away.
I'm tired of no forward progress.

I think the thing I have picked to change is my body. I wonder
if I can go after it with the idea that I am trying to change it to
a vision I have for it? (Not view it as diet and exercise. :) )
Besides losing even 20 lbs would help with the blood glucose
levels, they are still a bit higher than I want. But of course,
now I'm hungry, and too tired to move. Grrrr!

I had another dream about a friend last night. The kind that seems
super real and affects me for days afterwards. The last one I had
about him bothered me for weeks, and then a year later pretty much
came true - and it was nothing I would have ever guessed or thought
would happen in real life. I suppose it was a warning dream. Last
night's dream was much more hopeful, and if I read the symbolism
right, I think it is meant to reassure that things are going to
work out o.k.

I don't think most of my dreams have any meaning I can find, but
a couple of times a year, I have one that I can't forget. I think
those are the ones that are really some kind of communication.
From the other person? From the Collective Unconscious? From a
Guardian Spirit? (if so they are all being darned obscure...)
Who knows. That is my operating theory of the moment.

I'm also trying to believe in the theory that I can't shake this sore
throat because my immune system is doing a super workout, in case
something like the bird flu comes along. That's the only positive
spin I can put on it, so I don't get so darned discouraged....

No comments: