Thursday, July 13, 2006

Heating Up

The heat index has been 100 degrees the last 2 days, and now it is
supposed to really warm up! All kinds of heat warnings out for the
next three days. I bow to the power company Gods, in the hopes that
they'll manage to keep the power going for the next few days.

Every time it gets really hot, the transformer in our neighborhood
explodes, and we have no air conditioning, or fans, or anything. This
has been going on for years.... you'd think they would order the
super-duper platinum-plated transformer just for us. They've put so
many in over the last 7 years, it would save them money in the long
run. In the meantime the hottest weather is a time of dreadful

While not unhappy, I've noticed some of the old angst coming back
the last few days. I've been off the drugs for 3 months now, so I
suppose the Seratonin levels are starting down again. I kicked up
my herb combination of St.Johns Wort and 5-HTP to the full
recommended dose. Those are supposed to help Seratonin levels,
so we will see. I don't intend to go back on the drugs. Ultimately,
they weren't worth it. I would prefer to be depressed, as long as
I can keep functioning.

I felt o.k. on the drugs, but I hated sleeping all the time, and I'm
still mad about gaining some weight back after working so hard to
lose it. (Thank goodness it is coming off again, albeit slowly).
But worst of all was loosing all my ambition. I just didn't want to
do anything. I don't ever want to loose my drive again!

It still kind of mystifies me how I managed to start my podcast
and do a years worth of shows during that time (to say nothing
of the year of video shows). I guess that, and work, was all I did.
I remember it as being very grueling to motivate myself to keep
going. (And that was me without any drive. I guess I'm kind of
scary when I have some!)


Big Phil said...

What are you talking about? It's freezing outside!
Seriously, though the temperature here in Oklahoma today was 175 degrees.

When I was taking the higher dosage of Lexapro I sometimes couldn't motivate myself to do anything.
I just sat in front of the computer and stared at the screen.
I didn't write or do anything constructive. I just stared at the screen.

At least I wasn't depressed!

Susan Grandys said...

Yeah, when I thought about it the ambition thing really spooked me. I felt so normal during that time, it is only in hindsight I can see how weird and unatural for me that was.

I see the heat wave is hitting you down south of here too. Well enjoy your 175 degrees, and I'll see what I can do with it up here.