Thursday, August 31, 2006

Hungry

I survived my 2nd 1200 calorie day. Food becomes really amazing
when you can't have any. I save my last 200 calories for a glass of
red wine, and a square of very dark chocolate. It becomes a sensual
feast that I look forward too. Life can get very simple.

Except all the times I'm hungry, then it is complex in the ways to
keep yourself going and fool yourself. I've found that whey powder
(banana flavored!), and flavored fiber chews help. Also a can of V8
(30 whole calories!) at about 5 pm. keeps me going until dinner.

Great now I'm just going to talk and dream about food..... Sorry!

I need something short term to look forward to. The next few months
look like they will be battles with balancing the drugs, endless
doctor appointments, starving, exercise, paying off some big
expenses, a scary birthday, winter, and some minor surgery around
Christmas. Bleah! There needs to be some kind of fun, wild romance,
exotic travel, fame, large piles of money - something else good in there!

But it will probably be just lots of going to work.... I am such a
dreamer, I can imagine so much more. What good is an imagination
if you can't ever have? The human race is really doing something
wrong. Did we choose this life? Is this the way it is supposed to be?

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Frustration

I'm pretty discouraged. The new pills aren't making any difference
for my blood glucose levels. The first few days, I thought it might
help, but things went right back to the way they were. I have to
lose more weight! That is about the only way I can think to get
my numbers back down. I've been eating about 1400 calories a
day and exercising 4 days a week, with the net result that I gained
2 lbs last month. Auuuugh!!!!

So I recalculated and steeled myself, and I think I found a way to get
down to 1100-1200 calories in a way that will keep me from being
crazy hungry. I've kicked the exercise up, aiming for 6 days a week.
Something has to work. I've become insanely resistant to weight loss.
My doc thinks it is one of the new meds causing it, the one they don't
want to take me off of, right now. Like I need more challenges.

I've even been looking at Acupuncture for weight loss, thinking I need
to stimulate my system somehow. I'm not so sure about that, yet.
It seems expensive, with inconclusive results. Something has to work
though, I can't live with this. My high morning readings means that
damage is being done to my system overnight. Now there's a peaceful
nighttime thought: "My body is destroying itself, while I sleep."
Sleep tight!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

A Day Of Mandatory Enjoyment

Oh, rough day. NOT! I went to work, went to 1 meeting, did some
work for a meeting tomorrow, and then I was forced to go to the
Engineering Picnic, and sit in the shade by a lake for the next 4
hours and talk to lots of fellow workers. I get paid for this? Cool!

I really enjoyed talking to everyone, and I tried to be entertaining
and funny. But do you ever go home and wonder, "Am I really
funny? Do they think I am trying too hard? Do they even like me?"
Sigh. I hate always questioning everything, even myself. I never
just accept things and go with the flow. I'm kind of jealous of
people who never worry about such things, or doubt themselves.
Of course, I'm not sure I would like someone who never asks
themselves the hard questions!

I rode my bike this evening, and found it was at the exact height
that caused my recent knee injuries to really yell! So I had to come
back home and ride my exercise bike indoors. Too bad, it was
really a gorgeous day out. Summer is so close to over, every
nice day should be enjoyed - like taking the rest of September off!
Europe has it wrong. They close down the country for August
Holiday. August is too hot here, it really should be September.

Nothing else new, except my throat is just a little bit sore. I've
managed to dodge the summer cold that has been going around
my friends for the last month, but I wonder if it is trying to get me.
I'm taking lots of vitamins - being sick over Labor Day weekend
would really suck!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Toxins and Mud

The new show for Uncomfortable Questions - Erin Interview, is finally
up! It was a tough edit, mostly because I was so hung over from the
party, I had to keep going and taking naps. But I edited like mad
since I got home from work today, and it is done! Whew!

I'm still really sore and stiff from the weekend, I think I hit a new
toxic level in my poor beleaguered body. They had chair massages
at work today, so I grabbed a 20 minute slot. When she was done,
I was dizzy and had to drink lots of water (supposedly massage
releases lots of toxins back in the body to be flushed away). Of
course I had a meeting right after!

I need to get a little less sore, and had better start walking more
this week. This weekend looks like the perfect weather to go to the
Renaissance Fair! I've been waiting for cool, slightly rainy weather,
and the weather says Sunday will be about 68 degrees and rainy.
It's my favorite time to go and sit by the shopkeeper's fires.
I'd actually prefer even colder, but I tried that last year and
nearly missed it, because it never got cool in September at all.
So if I can scrape up the money (yay! shopping!!!!) I'll give it a
go this weekend, on whatever day looks the coldest.

My favorite memory of the Renn Fest, is one year it was about 50
degrees and it poured all day. Everything was mired in mud -
probably the most "authentic" medieval experience I've ever had
there. There was no avoiding the mud, so the entire King's court
in their fancy gowns went mud sliding! It was something to behold.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

My favorite final moment


After cleaning up and heading into the house, at 2 am, we found someone had decorated even the Gargoyles on the stairs! And gave them a beer... I love spontaneous party 'art'.



Ahh, the Tiki Torches

Leis for Everybody



















-Me, already 4 zombies to the wind
- Who put Leis on the Dogs??
- David sharing a party moment with Hoover

Mike's Popular Tiki Bar

Tiki Zombie Hangover

Owwww. Yes I am hungover. The Tiki party was amazing. We went
all out, and went from 3 in the afternoon until about 1 a.m. It was so
amazing that we were disappointed that about 10 of our regular
guests didn't show up and get to see it. They would have loved it!

There was beer, and leis and Tiki decorations and torches, and
curry, and Polynesian food, and really great people and conversation.
Well for the 25 or so of us that were there, it was up there with one
of the best barbeques we've ever thrown.

Mike's portable Tiki bar was a huge success, and he was a great
bartender. I unfortunately discovered that he made killer "Zombies"
and I am really paying for this discovery today......

Pictures to follow (of the party, not of me and my hangover!!!)

Friday, August 25, 2006

When right is wrong

Where is my mind? I know I did stuff at work today, and got stuff
done and had a reasonably good time. But I really don't remember
what I did. I guess my mind is out wandering, again. Will it come
back with good stories to tell?

What am I thinking about? Still looking back over the last year and
a half, and wondering about a lot of things. I can't change anything,
I don't think I did wrong, but so many things did not go well. But
it feels like I did the right things, so why are the right things wrong?
If you can't tell what is the right thing to do, how do you do them?
I really do think too much....

Things are pretty much ready for the party tomorrow, just setup and
go, really. So I guess I'll go out and see the D.J. friend who now has
an additional gig on Fridays at my favorite restaurant. Can I resist
those onion rings? Should I? Whatever I do, it will probably we
wrong, so I might as well do wrong gleefully, or loudly, or something!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

No Monster Spit

Pooh. I met all the qualifications for the Gila Monster Spit study,
except one of my numbers was 1 point off. Darn. I thought it would
be interesting (and it payed really well!). I got offered a 1 hour
glucose meter evaluation for $40 instead. I'll probably do it. It gets
me on the research subject list at the International Diabetes Center,
and maybe I'll qualify for other studies.

Work was interesting. I had lots of fun trying to figure out how some
security stuff worked and ended up discussing it with lots of people.
No one else knew either, and I don't think it is right....

I find that kind of mental puzzle with lots of lively discussion is what
I like best about the job. Really digging in and trying to figure out
how something should work (even if it doesn't). I suppose it will
keep me from getting Alzheimers. They say if you keep your brain
active, you won't go senile. Of course, they suggest you do crossword
puzzles, but that doesn't pay as well.....

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Party Anticipations

Yikes, only 2 more days to get ready for the big Tiki bash this
Saturday. The weather looks like it is going to behave, we have
8 Tiki torches, decorations, leis, drinks, hmmmm what are we
missing? Oh yeah, food! Still have to buy the darned food. Not
much of a barbeque without it...

Work, exercise, take lots of medicine. Week days aren't the most
exciting things to happen. The new drug is lowering the blood glucose
a little bit, not a lot. Its one of those stupid drugs that can take 8
weeks to get up to full effect. I want immediacy! Now! But I am able
to add a few carbodydrates back - I had a bowl of hot cereal and it
made me happy. Mmmmmm, Carbs. I did also drop 2 lbs in the
last 2 days after starting the drug. I wonder if that is from the drug?
That would be really sweet!

I am hoping for actual sleep tonight. I haven't been able to sleep for
the last 3 nights. Last night was awful. The more I tried to calm the
brain and relax, the faster it went, it actively resisted being quiet!
I don't think I'm all that stressed about anything, I seem to have
come to terms with things and reached a new tenuous balance.
Then why the heck can't I sleep?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

My Nightime Prayer

I want.
I want life to be challenging but easier.
I want people to be friendly, kind and understanding.
I want ignorance and stupidity to end.

I want aging not to matter.
I want to feel healthy and strong when I wake up in the morning.
I want enough time to do everything I want to do.
I want the money to do it with.

I want the earth to be a nice place to live.
I want fear and violence to go away.
I want love and friends.
I want happiness.

But what I have is want.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Drug Soup

Well I survived the doctor and yet more blood tests. What do they
do with it all? I'm thinking vampire parties.... I swear they've taken
a couple of gallons this year. So I got put on yet another drug added
to the soup to help with the glucose numbers. I'll have to carry my
test kit around and check my blood a lot to see what it does.
Ho-hum. What a way to have fun!

Part of the latest spike in numbers seems to be caused by another
drug I was put on last month but they don't want to take me off
of it just yet, because of the borderline anemia. I've often thought
that we are really just test subjects for drug companies. They really
don't know it the stuff works, or how it interacts. We get to find out
for them! I think I'm on something like 7 drugs now. I was so
determined not to be on any. And then you feel like crap and give in.

The doctor also wanted to see if I could be part of a 30 week research
project on Gila Monster spit. I'm not kidding. The latest diabetic drug
is made from compounds in Gila Monster saliva. I did volunteer,
because it is supposed to help with weight loss too. At first I didn't
want to, because it involved "injectables". Then I decided to stop
being such a wuss, and try do some good as long as I have to be
sick. I'll have to see if I qualify. Weird.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Angst Day

Today was kind of rough. I was having major angst attacks. I was
still working through and feeling sad about stuff from work Friday.
And that led me directly into a lot of fear/anger about my diabetes.
I've known I've had it for 7 years, but I didn't really face it, as my
pills controlled it well, and my glucose numbers were good.

When I lost control of the numbers, and couldn't keep them in range
I was faced with dealing with the fact I have a chronic disease, and
it might be getting worse. I am determined to avoid all the icky
scary problems it can cause: amputation, blindness, kidney failure,
heart failure, etc. by keeping very tight control of the blood sugar.
When I couldn't, I started feeling helpless against the disease, and
was feeling very frightened.

Then David, Cayenne and I got together, to discuss our video show
and podcast, Channel Surfing Wipeout again. I don't want to
give it up, but I can't motivate to do it. Caynene is kind of in the
same place. David is the only one actively working on it. We are
feeling like we can't go forward and yet it causes us great distress
if we think about giving up.

We were also feeling bad about the way we look on film now,
and I stupidly looked at itunes last night and the few reviews
of the show were scathing! We got 1 out of 5 stars. We just meant
it to be a really dumb humor show that would make people laugh
at it's sheer stupidity. I guess they don't get it, they were rather
mean. Is it so hard to bring a little joy into the world?

Finally I just layed in the hammock in the back yard for 5 hours
and talked with Cay and David. We enjoyed the beautiful day,
watched the wind in the trees, and the fluffy clouds drift by.
It was the right thing to do. We all needed to de-stress bigtime!
Life has been a little hard on all of us lately.

So now I have to go face work tomorrow, and the doctor about
the diabetes, and hope that things will be better. Am I still
afraid? Hell yes! But at least I'm a little calmer and able to
take a deep breath, and plunge ahead.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

No prizes for excitement

Ho-hum. One of those necessary days. Got new tires for the Subaru.
Did shopping for the big barbeque next Saturday. It is a Tiki /Island
theme party, and luckily The Party Store (what a great name for a
shop - think about it, wouldn't it be fun to live in "The Party House"
and go to work at "The Party Job"?) had lots of Tiki stuff on sale.
I did resist the stings of "color changing" Tiki head lights. They were
pretty cool, in a crass consumerism kind of way....

Then started tackling the basement, going through all the books,
what to keep, what to sell to the bookstore. The basement is out
of control and became pack-rat central. So now it is impossible to
find anything at all. I'm determined that will be the winter project,
working on it until it is usable. Who has that much stuff? Where did
it all come from? It is kind of daunting!

Friday, August 18, 2006

The phone company runs the universe

It's the weekend. Finally. These last 2 weeks at work were really
tough. I found I was taking it too seriously and getting really
frazzled. I felt rather ill from the glucose levels going awry and
then towards the end of the day something really stupid
happened and I'd had it. I went and found a friend and blew off
steam for quite awhile. By the end we were laughing and I felt a
lot better. I don't know what I would do without my friends.
Probably explode.

I'm really wondering about the universe. It seems like the lessons I'm
getting are ones I don't need. I think I'm getting someone else's
messages. Maybe the universe gets wires crossed, like the phone
company.

I've also been wishing a lot for karmic payback and recompense for
all the good I've tried to do in the world and only got back pain,
meaness, carelessness and stupidity. I don't want revenge, that is
not who I am. I just want really good things to happen to me for a
change. I don't want that to be a childish wishing that can't ever
happen. I want it to be real.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Famine, SARS, and some work too

I didn't actually solve any of yesterday's problems at work, but it all
is on the path to being solved. Or at least worked on. It felt like
progress, or something resembling it. Getting a full night of sleep
probably had something to do with the better attitude.

Still just riding out the very limited food diet until I can get to the
doctor on Monday for new diabetic meds. The strange thing is even
eating only about 1400 calories a day, I am still not losing weight.
I don't even know how that is possible. Maybe I'm just living off the
high glucose in my system. Great I've become a self sustaining
system that doesn't even need food to maintain my weight. Bring
on the next famine! I'm totally prepared for it!

Throw in the Bird Flu and SARS while you're at it! You know the
SARS scare was only a couple of years ago and I already forgot what
it was. I had to look it up on Wikipedia. We are so used to "scare of
the week" that we don't even bother to put them into our long term
memories anymore. Probably better that way. We are all neurotic
enough.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Blowout Curiosity

I couldn't sleep last night, so tired and unprepared for the day -
I think my brain had a blowout. I tried to do too many new things at
work today, failing bigtime at everything while trying to work with
developers on a really tricky problem while my two new 14 disk units
broke simultaneously and I haven't a clue how to fix them. I installed
a new product I have to learn, and couldn't even get logged in. I tried
some insanely difficult redirects of Linux and AIX on from non-
graphic carded blades, and just kept hitting the wall of "things I don't
know". The developers were sending dozens of emails on the problem
we were working on - "try this, try that", arugh!

I was so beat and frustrated, that I finally went home, late as usual.
After a meal, working out, and a beer - I had calmed down enough to
deal with the last developers requests, and logged back into work,
and put in another hour. I just can't leave a problem alone, I have to
keep at it, until a resolution is found. I suppose this stupid relentless
curiosity of mine makes me a spectacular worker, but it is hard on
me, and causes me to work way the heck too much.

I know how cats must feel. That curiosity has gotten me in plenty of
places and situations I just shouldn't have been in, but after a
lifetime living with that "need to know", and "what happens if you
push here?", I just keep wading right in. Some people (and cats)
never learn to let things be.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

5000 lbs of sand

2 1/2 tons of sand. That is what the sand delivery guys had to bring
to fill in a 3 foot by 3 foot by 6 foot hole in the garage floor that we
procrastinated fixing since we moved in 7 years ago. 5000 lbs of
sand. In that little hole. Seems like magic. We still have no idea why
the hole is there, or what anyone did with it. It had boards layed
over the top of it, but we always worried that one of the cars would
fall in it. Sand seemed a better solution than plugging the hole with
a 30th Edition Limited Subaru Outback.

Now we get to tackle concrete for over the top of the sand. Never
done concrete before, and am not really sure how you do it.
Hopefully you can get bags of it, and just add water or something.
Home ownership makes you willing to do all kinds of crazy things
you've never done before.

I can now scrape, paint, plaster, put up sheetrock, wallpaper,
reglaze a window, put in molding, tile, hang doors, put up
blinds, replace toilets, put in new light fixtures, and a variety of
other things I didn't have a clue how to do. You just figure it out and
do it. However I still just take my car to the car dealer if anything
is wrong. There are limits to this renaissance woman thing.

For those in Minneapolis, our new Channel Surfing Wipeout
T.V. show, episode #6 is playing on public access T.V later
this month. I posted the schedule on San Biki Saru's webpage.
It is the same stuff as the web show, only edited into a half hour
format. We have no idea if anyone watches it, but they like it
at the station and gave us mostly prime time slots this time!

Monday, August 14, 2006

My Hero Died

My hero died yesterday at 81 years of age. Most people have heroic
heros. Mine is the talk show host Mike Douglas. My family got a T.V.
again when I was 14 (the old one broke when I was 5, and my parents
thought it would be good not to have one for awhile). One of my
favorite shows was the Mike Douglas Show, he had a 90 minute talk
show on from 1961-1982. I watched it every day I didn't have school,
until I left for college when I was 17.

He was the most warm and affable host, and made his guests feel
at home and very welcome. The talk would often turn to very deep
subjects. He had amazing guests and co-hosts on, John Lennon and
Yoko Ono, Richard Nixon, George Wallace, and even the head of the
Klu Klux Klan. He was willing to talk to anyone, and find out how
and why they ticked. He had an amazing curiosity about people.
I wanted to be just like him.

When I started doing my own interview show, Uncomfortable-
Questions
, I often thought of Mike Douglas, and he had the biggest
influence on how I did my own interviews. I am glad I had such a
role model, and I hope in my own show, I carry on a little of his spirit.
Thanks Mike, you taught me well.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

A vegetable kind of day....

A lovely rainy day. (That used to be unusual in August, here - but it
has rained amazing amounts this year). Went to the Rosedale mall
and did some shopping, took the long way home to enjoy the rain.

Lots of computer puttering, started editing the next podcast (instead
of waiting until the last minute), and helped Cayenne write a resume.
He is trying to get a job as a voice actor. And considering one of his
obsessed fans cataloged the number of voices he has done on his
comedy show and found there were 320!! - I think that is really the
career for him. I wish him the best of luck. He really wants it.

The rest of the day I spent eating vegetables, or at least it seems
that way. I'm not really fond of vegetables, but after accessing my
diet, (I'm still feeling very exhausted and sick) I realized the only
give in the diet was to change more of the food to vegetables to
further cut calories and fat. Actually, they tasted very good, and I
started to feel better. I wonder if I am not absorbing nutrition very
well, something more than just being unable to store iron.

I'm not looking forward to this, but anything for more energy at this
point will have to be tolerated.... So drew up diet plan 54,978.
My blood glucose levels have even come down a little. I sure hope my
doctor can come up with some better drugs. I am so not ready for
insulin yet - I HATE shots :( :( :(

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Doggie Heaven















The dog fell asleep with his rawhide chew under his nose.
When he woke up, there it was! He looked so delighted.

A weekend day for me

Another great interview for the show tonight! This was with a British
physicist living in Texas, and we talked for 2 hours! I love those - so
much material to choose from. He had some interesting viewpoints
that should make an excellent show!

Otherwise, I went to the Irish Fair this morning, and as predicted,
bought some pretty things - 2 leather bracelets with Celtic insets,
2 bead and crystal bracelets, and a pair of earrings. I managed to
keep the spending fairly low - for me, anyways. I managed to resist
buying sweaters and embroidered shirts, like I usually do.

I also got the answer on where my electric car was. Paul, a web
friend posted a link on the post a few days back in a comment.
I followed that site to another link on it that explained what
was happening with lithium-ion batteries. Check out:
http://www.gizmowatch.com/entry/making-lithium-ion-car-a-reality/

Then I did a search on lithum-ion cars and saw that quite a lot of
work is going on, not surprisingly with Toyota at the forefront - but
other car manufacturers are in there too. They are serious about
this! It looks like it will still be another 3-5 years before we really
get going with the cars, though. It gives me hope. I feel trapped
having only one option (such as oil based cars only). With a lack of
competition, the oil companies can set any price they like.
Choices are better.

The rest of the day just flashed by. I took some iron and felt better,
got the blood sugar levels lower by not eating any carbohydrates
at all for a few days. (It would be nice to have a few!) I also slept 11
hours last night. I really was a mess yesterday. Today is better.
Sometimes I get tired of the balancing act, getting all the chemical
levels right in my body, just so I feel almost normal. But what are
the alternatives? Let it all go and never feel good?

Friday, August 11, 2006

Nothing

I got nothing. Strange week at work with lots of changes. Not bad or
good, necessarily, just changes. I'm o.k. with it, I think.

Blood sugar off - can't get into doctor for another week and a half for
medicine change. No iron left in my system either, it feels like. I
don't store it well and fall into anemia occasionally.
I think I'm there again.

I'm going to bed.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Infinity

"When marching towards infinity, you still get somewhere."

Cayenne said that tonight, and it cascaded a whole lot of thoughts.
About my show "Uncomfortable Questions", a lot of people say that
the questions are unanswerable, so why think about that stuff or
bother trying to answer them? (They don't mean that unkindly,
I think they are just frustrated with how tough it is to understand
life.)

I've always thought that is not an excuse not to ask the questions.
Maybe they are answerable. We just haven't answered them yet.
Same goes for a God Force. If there is one, and we will never
comprehend it, shouldn't we still try?

Shouldn't we still try to understand what it is to be human, what the
meaning of our lives might be, what friendship and love are, or
could be?
We might understand it all a little.

Then we will have gone somewhere "while marching towards infinity".

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Unbalanced

I finally got the next podcast show up - Christiana Interview.
Get it while it's hot! I'll admit I dragged my butt, a little, to see if the
last show would top 1000 downloads (to see if the previous show was
just a fluke - it is well over 1300 hits, now). The Jake interview was
at 1051 downloads tonight. I am really happy about that!

Read the comments to yesterday's post. I nearly wrote an entire blog
just in the discussion. So now I can be lazy?

My hellish test cycle should be done by Friday. I noticed another
new job in technology pattern. The 1st year, I am always proud of
myself - I learn such amazing amounts of new stuff, and it is all good
when you start from zero knowledge of the product. You think it is
amazing how much you can do.

The 2nd year I feel really stupid. I think it is because I am confident
enough to pursue the really hard stuff, so everything is very difficult.
Perhaps because my expectations of myself are a lot higher. So the
2nd year is spent really learning the deeper level. By the 3rd year,
a new comfort level or expertise is achieved, and you start thinking
you might know something, after all. Unfortunately the 2nd year
just started for me.....

Thinking a lot about restructuring the diet and exercise. This
morning I ate a bowl of fairly low carb cereal, and my blood glucose
shot up 100 points in 10 minutes. I nearly passed out - your body
can't handle that! Unfortunately, at that point, the only thing you
can do is exercise it off. So there I am, trying to get ready for work,
nearly unconscious, trying to pedal my exercise bike, and not fall
off. I did get the levels back down far enough so I could drive to work.

I don't think the drugs are working very well. My number have been
higher than normal for the last few months. The drugs were
wonderful for 7 years, but a guy at work said you can build up a
tolerance to the diabetic drugs, and have to change drugs. I didn't
know that! (And I've done a lot of reading on the subject...)

Unfortunately that was the safest one, the others can cause
hypoglycemia, and I am really prone to that. They had to take me
off a drug in the beginning because I kept nearly passing out from
blood sugar being too low. This is really the most difficult balancing
act. (And I have lousy balance). Anyways, it did scare me a bit, this
morning. I guess I have a lot more hard work ahead.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Where is my electric car??

Wow. Lots and lots of interesting news at work today. And I still had
to try and concentrate on my difficult testing that I am doing. It was
really hard to stay focused! I will be sooooooo glad when this test is
done. It is making me crazy.

Thinking a lot about gas prices and started looking at alternative fuel
and hybrid cars. I won't need a car for several years, but it is nice to
know what is happening. Not a lot of good choices out there yet,
most don't get all that good of mileage, except a couple of Toyota's.
The next thing they are working on are "plug-in" hybrid cars. Those
are supposed to get over 100 miles to the gallon. Now those might be
a good solution to ease America off of oil. Nice to see the work is
being done by some car manufacturers. I think we are going to need
those cars, real soon now!

Also interesting that the alternative fuel initiatives, money for
research and tax incentives are all coming from the State level.
California and New York are already doing things. Even little
Minnesota is funding some ethanol research. The Feds certainly
don't care about it. Would cut into the oil profits, I guess.
Why poor BP only posted a 7 billion dollar profit. How do they
get by?

I'm keeping an eye on flight options to Japan. Costs are still fairly
low, I'm afraid they may jump with the oil prices, also. NW airlines
is having it's problems, and I think they are pretty evil, so I was
looking at some options. There is an Air Nippon and a Japan Airlines
flight out of Minneapolis that I didn't know about. A little more
expensive, but it might be worth it. They are very good airlines.

Yeah, yeah, stop dreaming and get back to working on that show edit....

Monday, August 07, 2006

Mini Fretting

Weird. I dreamed all night that I couldn't get the thing I'm currently
testing to work. I knew it was tough, but I didn't think I was that
worried about it. It was one of those dreams that had lots of people
from my old job trying to help, but the equipment kept getting
smaller and needed stranger and more obscure codes to be typed
into them to get them to work. Strange, how in the dream that didn't
seem odd at all, just frustrating.

But I did make some headway on the test today. I'm feeling pressure
because it has to be done by Friday, and I haven't missed a schedule
yet. I also keep getting sidetracked by a bunch of security issues in
a test cycle I'm not working on. But I know the most about security,
so I'm being dragged into all the meetings. Wouldn't be too bad, but
the guy who is doing the testing is out of town, so I have to do all the
assisting of the developers while he is gone. I'll be glad when he is back.

I sold all my ESPP stock today because I am so short on money, I
couldn't figure out how to pay for my car maintenance, new tires for
the other car, new glasses for me, and a bunch of necessities that
is adding up quickly. Even the dog's drugs are really expensive!
(but worth it - he is 13 1/2 years old and was getting so arthritic he
couldn't get up the stairs very well and was fussing and in pain. Now
he can jump up on the bed, and plays, and is very happy. It is Novox
and really worth it, if you have an old arthritic dog. I wonder if it
works on people?) I always buy the employee stock, because it makes
a nice little savings plan for just these kind of lumps in the finances.

So what does all the above mean? I guess I'm fretting a bit about
things - work and money. It looks like I'll get through fine, I just
had to worry about it a bit, to take the right actions.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Fatly Old, or was that Oldly Fat?

This new diet is tough! I'm loosing weight very slowly, and you
constantly have to adjust the diet. Today was a carb loading day -
I got up after 7 hours of sleep, ate a muffin and my body crashed.
I went back to bed for another 2 1/2 hours. I guess my body can't
store glycogen and stay awake at the same time. I do think I'm
loosing body fat though, my shape is noticeably changing.
I'll keep playing with it, and see what happens.

I did finally understand why my temperature is always only 96
degrees instead of the 98.6 degrees it should be. My doctors
could never tell me. In the diet book, he points out that if your
temperature it 96 to 97.6 your body has pretty much put you
in survival mode. This can be due to excessive stress or
starvation. It means I'm a great survivor, and will admirably
last through the famine. Except there isn't one. And you don't
burn any body fat. I guess those 20 years of crisis jobs were
what put me here. The book has some things to do to get your
metabolism out of famine mode.... I'll have to try them.

I am only half done with the edit on my next interview show, it
will be a couple of days late. But the good news is Cayenne,
David and I got together and started filming for a new Channel
Surfing Wipeout show! We haven't done anything in 2 months,
and were wondering if we would.

But then when we were watching the stuff we taped today, all
three of us found out we were each watching ourselves thinking
that we looked fat and old. No wonder we are having a hard time
doing the show. Ah, that old devil vanity, gets in the way of comedy.

We talked about it and decided that we wouldn't mind looking
old as much, if we just weren't fat too. Video is very unforgiving,
and it ruins the image you have in your head that "well, I don't
look all that bad..." So I suppose we will either lose the weight
and get muscular, or we'll quit doing the show...

But there was enough web material for a 1/2 hour episode that
Cayenne put together, and will take to the T.V. station tomorrow.
It will be the 6th half hour show we've had on T.V. It doesn't seem
like much, but then how many people have even done one?
I guess that is something.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

It actually wasn't hot - 1st weekend in a month!

I think I overtaxed the brain, this week - it was an overdrive
learning week at work. I didn't want to do much of anything
today - just enjoy the breezy summer day, and stare off into
space. Usually that would bore me to tears, but some recuperation
appeared to be needed.

So I just goofed off and did a bit of editing on a show that I really
have to get up tomorrow. Of course I just started. Then at 5:30
I had an interview with Dana in Newfoundland! That was great
fun, and we had a fairly good connection over Skype. I was a
little worried that the distance might be a problem.

We talked for about 90 minutes, she was delightful and fun.
Plenty of material to edit from! And I have 2 other interviews
I have to get edited first. It is nice to have such a wealth - better
than the days when I don't know where the next one is coming
from. I even have another one scheduled for next week.

Next weekend is the Irish Fair which I've attended the last
several years. I'm hoping for some cooler weather, there are
some good acts playing at it that I would like to catch. But
being August, there is just as good a chance that I'll go for a
couple of hours, overheat, and go home.... And the food is
awful - no real Irish food anywhere - unless you count the
beer. But the shopping is stellar. Some of it better than the
Renaissance festival. I always walk away with far too many
treasures. Not too many for me, mind you, there are never
too many for me - just for my budget!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Flying Cars

Is anyone happy? Can you look at yourself and your own life stretching
out behind you and say, looking me straight in the eyes - "I'm really
happy"? I stare into everyone's faces and they laugh and joke and
their eyes are empty, or sad, or shimmering in pain. Why do we live
like that? Why did we make the choices to be like that? Why do we
not take the big chances and make the changes we need?

And on a completely different tangent:
I read the papers, and the blogs, and there is so much fear and an
unwillingness to acknowledge or fix the insanity. I saw the first
sign of life in the paper today. For months and months the gas prices
keep going up, and the oil wars are raging - and I searched and
searched for the articles calling for alternative fuel and hybrid cars -
that it was time for a better way, like it was in 1974 during the 1st
fuel crisis when research went wild, and we were going to find
something better than oil.

There was nothing. Not a single article. We have the technology
developed and ready from last time - but no one has demanded
the changeover. There were actually 2 articles on ethanol today.
There are much better choices out there but it was something,
anything, saying - "Enough!"

And a representative from the oil companies said something like -
"ethanol is a bad solution. We might need that corn for, um,
something..." Could you be any more stupid and blatant?
"Something"? Like what? Corn is a renewable resource.... Would
we have to go without popcorn? Or decorator ears of fall-color corn?

I'm going to hold out for my flying car that we were promised in
the 70's. An pink "electric" flying car, of course!
Or was that "digital"?

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Nothing to write home about

I forced the ol' knees into their first walk in 2 1/2 weeks, last night.
I did it, but now they are so sore, I don't want to think about exercise.

I am totally frustrated with the diet. I am trying the weightlifting
"carb-cycling" technique, but the weight is stuck. I'm still eating
too many fat calories. I think it would work if I cut that back even
more. It is also very tricky for a diabetic, though it can be done.
It would also come off if I could kick up the exercise, but the knees
have really messed that up. Well, I'm "maintaining" like a champ -
but I'm getting really impatient for something to get moving....

Still trying to catch up on the podcast Japanespod101 to brush up for
the Japan trip. Unfortunately they post every day - so we are only up
to episode #50 out of 225.

We are planning to have another barbeque on August 26th - a
Polynesian theme, complete with a friend to bartend his portable
Tiki Bar. Hey, he offered, and it was too good to pass up! We are
way behind on the famous barbeques this year. This will only be #2,
we usually have four. But the two we are having this year are way
more extravagant than previous ones, so maybe that makes up for it.

I wish I had something new and exciting to report. My life has
become so settled and routine. Work, exercise, play some video
games, study, do an interview, edit a show. Very comfortable,
and nothing to write about.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Lucky Me!

I worked until 7 pm again - I have to quit that. I have a sudden test
on a new setup, with equipment I've never used before, and of course
it doesn't work, isn't written down, and has to be done in a week and
a half!

I rather enjoy that kind of craziness - makes you run at 100 miles a
minute and go into learning overdrive mode. Makes things really
lively! (As long as it doesn't stay that way for years, turning you
into a burnt Frito, like the last job did...)

And the job remains supportive, appretiative and sane.
I actually feel kind of lucky to have found it. Well, it found me, so
I guess lucky that I had the good sense to leave the old place and
take this job. It looks like a place I want to be for a while.

So now I'll go humble myself with a valiant attempt at exercising....

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Ho-Hum

It's 68 degrees. I'm not being boiled alive. How novel!
So am I filled with energy? Well, no. I'm still pretty achey from falling
down the stairs yesterday, and I couldn't sleep, so I'm pretty darn
exhausted.

I'm so tired, I can't even think of anything to write.....
It's August already, nothing much has changed. Work is good,
weight is still a battle, depression never came back. My gosh,
I think life is rather dull......

So right. Sleep it is!