Monday, October 02, 2006


I wonder if escapism is bad. I seem to go in bursts. For a long time
I'll be busy with things and wont read or watch anything. Then I
hit the right combination of a series or a game, at the same time
that I really want to escape from gloomy life. Then I bury myself
in the thing for a month.

All I'm doing now is working, exercising, and watching the fan subbed
"One Piece". Every night I watch many episodes, and that is all I
want to do. It takes me to another world, another place, better than
this one. It lets me dream of adventure and true friendship.

What am I escaping from? There isn't much that ties me to this
world. I don't have the deep friendships I crave - no one else has
the time, or seems to care about them; the overwhelming love
that adds excitement to existing, the all consuming career, the
spotlight of being on stage that made me feel so alive.
Everyday life just isn't enough, nowadays.

If video games ever got to the point of very realistic virtual reality,
and I was too old to enjoy anything, I think I would crawl into the
games and not come out. Why not?
What is out there that is worth anything?


Big Phil said...

I think the key for me was to finally reject certain myths about life.

After many years of personal torture and self-loathing I realized there is no point "A" to point "B" in life.

My daughter and I are not close. I may be her biological father, but as far as she is concerned her stepfather is
her father.
I want to be in her life, but I missed the window of opportunity when she was very young.
Now its too late.
Instead of hating myself I've accepted this, and I've vowed to be here if she ever needs me.

As for relationships...well, there have been many.
What have I learned?
There are worse things than being alone.
Like being in a relationship when you are really not cut out for relationships.

I've crawled out of the video game and found what is out there.
And it is me.

Susan Grandys said...

I've seen me, and crawled back into the video game... :)