Friday, October 20, 2006

Old Warriors

I've just not felt very well for the last few weeks. Very tired, and
sleeping but still tired. I'm realizing that the battle is just beginning.
The older you get the harder you have to fight to not feel like crap
all of the time. You have to exercise when you least want to do it.
And eat really healthy, and struggle with all the failing systems.
You have to get really strong when you are feeling weak.

If I thought it was hard before, I've had to come to terms with
how much harder it is going to get. Am I up for the task? How
strange when you get old is when you really have to become a
warrior. What is the battle? The fight for your life, and your
quality of life. Why doesn't anyone prepare you for this?
School doesn't teach you what you really need to know.

How to love, how to be a friend, how to have a successful career,
how to raise happy and confident children, how to deal with the
stresses of life, how to grow old and yet be vibrant and alive.

I had a lot on my mind today, about this and some other things,
and had to take walks to think. I'm letting my poor health get in
the way. I've become more cautious, I go out less because I'm
tired or in pain, I resist traveling (which I love) because of the
difficulty, I take less chances, I'm not as gung ho. Who am I?

I was the woman who would jump off the cliffs of life without
thinking twice. And laugh when I inevitably crashed at the
bottom. And picked myself up and did it again. A friend at work
listened to my tirade about age, and summed it all up nicely.
"You don't want to get frumpy?"

No I don't. I want to be an old warrior.

1 comment:

David Cummer said...

Boy howdy, does that sound familar. I had an "old warrior" moment a coupl'a months ago.

You know, it seems to me that all the epic "warrior" tales (The Odyssey, Gilgamesh, Wizard of Oz*) don't deal with the real battle. What do warriors do when they get old.

*I just put that in for shits & giggles.