Saturday, October 21, 2006

Time to cut a new path

When all paths close before you what do you do?
I have exhausted all my ways to move forward.

At the behest of a friend I even re-researched bariatric surgery.
I swallowed my fear and evaluated the whole thing, in case it
had changed from several years ago, when I last looked at it.
It has not. It truly is not a path I can take.

I really do not qualify in many different ways. The biggest of them
being no insurance or doctor will touch me, unless I am morbidly
obese, which it turns out I am not. (I guess I am merely "fat" :) )
My BMI is way too low. My life is not in danger. There is a good
chance it wouldn't work for me anyways, the calorie deficit over
where I am now, is very small. I already don't eat much of anything.
Strange, at one time I was well qualified for that path, and did not
take it out of stubbornness of wanting to do it "my way" and yes,
fear. But I went ahead and lost and kept off 100 pounds, even
though it took me 5 years.

Now if the easy but terrifying way is closed to me, even though
I am stuck with another 78 pounds I have failed to conquer over
the last 2 years, am I left with only the hardest of ways?
I was being poetic yesterday about becoming a warrior, but it
has become increasingly clear to me today that is my path.

When all paths close, it is time to cut open a new path. There is
only one. I will become a warrior and do the things I didn't think
I could do. I will become strong enough to do what I must. Am
I strong enough? Who knows? One way to find out. If you can't
go over the mountain, then cut a bloody tunnel through it.
I'll see you on the other side.

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