Saturday, December 30, 2006

Phoenix, indeed.

I managed to go into work for 4 hours today, though I was pretty
wiped when I got home. I'm not totally back yet. Still very weak,
and some pain. I find I have to block out some of the memories
of the operation and the first two days of pain. They make me a
little shaky inside. Best not to remember.

And here I am starting over again. How many little deaths have there
been in my life? The ones that find you climbing again out of some
mental or physical hole that dropped you back to zero or less.

Building up again, and again, and again. I really am the Phoenix.
Aren't we all?

If we didn't have to start over each time, wouldn't we transcend
into something much better? Why this cycle of repetition, of
starting over? How much it holds back humans. But I haven't
found the choice not to do it that way. I wonder if anyone ever
really does? I think some think they do. But I'm not sure that
they are not fooling themselves. And the always question -

Why does it have to be that way?


Big Phil said...

Little deaths. I would love a few little births.

Susan Grandys said...

Yikes! Good point! I was thinking of it in the negative, and missed that the positive was also true.

Maybe it would help to focus on some "little births". Of course, it will probably be as painful as childbirth...