Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Blood Sugar Woes

Not the best of days. My blood sugar is all over the map. I
was dizzy and lightheaded all day. I couldn't concentrate and
my heart was pounding. It finally occurred to me that my blood
glucose might be too low. I didn't have my test kit with me,
so I ate a serving of carbohydrates (an orange) and felt
better for a bit.

By the time I got home, it was too low again. So I ate 3 servings
of carbs and didn't take my night pill. Now it is too high. So
I took the pill. Gargh! I hate days when I just can't balance it.
I feel dreadful and get frustrated that I just can't eat like a
normal person or at least get some control over my body. There
are just days when it does what it wants, no matter how careful
I am.

The snow held off until I got home. It is snowing now, but we are
only supposed to get 1 or 2 inches tonight. The prediction is
12-14 inches during the day and evening tomorrow. I don't know
if I should even try to go to work. Home is a nice place, and
if I have any sense, I'll stay in it! No guarantees that I have
any sense, though...

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

No Way!

Another big snow storm is coming tomorrow through Friday! The
weather guys are threatening this one will be bigger and badder
than the one this last weekend (at least for us who only got
9 inches - surrounding areas got up to 18 inches of snow).
The guy from the Weather Channel, Mike Seidel,even came into
town today. That is very foreboding, he only goes where
they think there will be very *interesting* weather!

I hope I get home from work tomorrow, it is supposed to roll
into the cities just in time for afternoon rush hour. I would
take some serious bets that Thursday will be a snow day from
work. That isn't all that fun, because we'll probably spend the
day shoveling.... and Friday too! I guess I won't need to do
any weightlifting this week.

Can I just stay in bed until it is over?

Monday, February 26, 2007

The house that should be mine



The Mary Tyler Moore house

Thoughts of the near future

Back to work. It was work. The weather guys are saying we might
get another big storm on Wednesday and Thursday. Hmmph. I still
hurt from the last one. And I hate ones during the week. It
always means a horrible commute.

The Mary Tyler Moore house (the one they filmed for the T.V.
show) is for sale, about 3 miles from my house. It is a
totally cool Victorian house that has been reconditioned
massively. They spent $200,000 just on the wiring. They want
3.6 million dollars for it. I think I should win the lottery
and buy the house. It would be amusing :)

It is now 4 weeks exactly to Japan! At this time in four weeks,
I won't even be 2/3 of the way there. We'll arrive at what
would be 2 am for me. The thought makes me tired. I sure hope
I have some spare adrenaline in my body somewhere...

Sunday, February 25, 2007

After the snow

The snow storm was slow to start and actually kind of disappointing.
The weather guys made a huge deal about it starting Friday night.
As of Saturday morning there was about 1/2 inch of sleet on the
ground. We finally got bored waiting for it, and went shopping
at the mall. Most people stayed home, so it was rather pleasant,
not crowded at all.

The snow finally got to a start around 3 pm and snowed lightly
until about 9 pm when it finally got going. At that point it
was heavy enough to keep us from going to the the bands and
birthday party we wanted to attend. So we stayed up too late
watching DVD's, instead.

By this morning there was only about 9 inches of snow. Not the
15 inches we were prepared for. But it still was quite a job
shoveling the walks and driveway. The snowblower made it 5 feet
and then the chain fell off. We had a guy fix that very problem
last winter, and this is the first time we used it since then.
Payed a lot to get that fixed, and it obviously is not fixed!
So we had to do it the manual way.

Hoover (one of the dogs) loved it and kept crashing around in
the snow banks and hiding his ball. He is such a big kid.
Now if only he could shovel, too. But after a half hour of
that, even he wanted to come in and curl up in front of the
wood stove on his big comfy dog bed.

But we are dug out, and ready for action. Or bed. Whatever
comes first...

Friday, February 23, 2007

Snow and Music

No snow yet, it is almost disappointing. Everyone at work was
talking about getting all prepared for the big storm, laying in
wood and food. One guy was hoping he would be snowed in for a
week. He was really up for it! We've haven't had very
challenging weather in Minnesota for the last 7 years. I think
it goes against our Minnesotan spirit of adversity, not to have
to battle any weather. I think we are slightly jealous of the
several feet of snow that New York has gotten over the last
few weeks.

Been thinking a lot about writing music on the computer, and
found all the wonderfully integrated software I wanted for the
Mac computers. Of course, I don't have a Mac. I've started
thinking about buying one, after Japan, only to find out they
are revamping their entire hardware line in June. So maybe the
purchase will have to be a July thing. Of course, then I can't
write the music on the computer until then. Pooh. By then, I'll
probably want to do something else.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Preparations

The weather service is threatening us with 14 inches of snow this
weekend. Considering we have only gotten 12 inches all winter,
this promises to be interesting.

Making lists to make sure we have everything to get get through
the weekend without having to go anywhere - ignoring the 2 bands
of friends playing Saturday and the friend's birthday at the show.
Ah! Dilemma!

The snow is supposed to start tomorrow night. I hope it
waits until I get home from work. I hate battling my way home
through bad weather. I don't need the challenge.

Wood for the stove, food, gas for the snow blower, dog and cat
food, entertainment - check! Bring it on!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Waiting

What can I say, it was 45 degrees today. The snow is melting and
it was totally tolerable out. Of course, for the next ten days,
its back to 20's and 30's and snow. Ah well, it was a nice break.

A front is moving in, and the wind is gusting up to 40 mph.
There was just a loud crash now as some tree branches blew
against the house, but nothing down that I can see!

This feels like waiting time. Waiting for spring, waiting to go
to Japan, waiting to get done with the next work project, waiting
to feel better, to get healthier, to figure out what I want to
be doing, for life to get better. Gargh! I'm so bored with waiting.
How about some real movement in my life? I suppose I'll have to
wait for that too...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Sunny Speed Day

Mmmm. Feeling better today. Maybe because it was over 40 degrees
and sunny. Or the herbs worked. Whatever, it is better now.

The day just goes too fast. I worked a lot, listened to more Japanese
lessons in the car, came home and ate and exercised. Tried out the
new Wii Play game, watched more of the Japanese anime Full Metal Alchemist (it is getting really good!), and answered some show
email, to get more interviews going. And darn, it is after 11 and
I should be in bed.

I don't know if my brain has slowed down, enough to do so. Man,
is life a race? Why do we actually run as hard as we can towards
death? If we slowed down would we live longer? Would it feel like
it, at least? I guess I won't find out. Zoooooooooooooooommmmmmm!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Brain Soup

I've been noticing that I am getting a lot more tense the last
week. Some is natural stress from things picking up at work,
but I can't let go of it, when I'm not there. It has been 1
year off the SSRI drugs and 2 1/2 months off the herbs. I hope
this isn't early signs of the serotonin or whatever getting
out of whack again.

I started the St.Johns Wort and 5-HTP supplements again 2 days
ago, to see if I can give the serotonin a kick in the pants,
and get it going again. I'm not depressed, but dreams are bad,
I'm feeling stressed, and having a hard time not worrying
about things. I haven't had these issues for a year, darn it!

I'm exercising plenty which is supposed to help, but then again
I didn't go outside once over the weekend. I just was so sick
of being cold. Maybe I just need more sunlight, and for winter
to be over.

I experimented with the morning routine, and figured
out that I was feeling so sick in the mornings from too much
artificial sweetener and coffee. I can have a little coffee if
I leave out the sweetener (I was putting in Splenda sweetened
chocolate flavoring), though straight tea is much better. There
was Splenda in my oatmeal too, and I think I hit overload. Crap,
why is my body becoming so sensitive to everything? I really
like coffee and things that taste good. Now I have to cut even
more stuff out. Getting older seems to be a continuous cycle of
giving up things you like. Who thought that was a good idea?

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Show Madness!

The new U.Q. show is done and up. Get it at:
www.uncomfortable-questions.com - Charlie Interview
This is show #50!!!! I'm kind of amazed I've done 50 interviews.
I did something special for show #25, where I interviewed myself,
but I just did another interview for #50. Maybe show #100 will
be special :) I don't know if I'll do that many, but I didn't think
I'd make it this far! I still have between 1300 to 1500 audience,
so I'll go as long as they are interested.

David came by, and we did more work on Channel Surfing Wipeout.
We are working on the one more sketch next week, and then the
new show just needs a final edit. That has been a long time
coming, the last one went up last July.

Working on two shows just ate up the weekend. I don't feel very
recovered and ready for another hard week at work. I need more
time to goof off!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Stolen Hours

I swear someone stole 4 or 5 hours from the middle of the day.
It was noon. And then it was 5 pm, about ten minutes later.
Probably alien abduction. ;-)

I did get half of the next U.Q. podcast show done. It is
another long edit, but I hope I can get it done and up by
tomorrow night. This is with the partner of the last guest,
and he is a psychologist and had some interesting things
to say. I love getting other peoples perspectives on life!

Other than that, lost another bid on ebay. I have 2 of a set of
4 figures that I'm trying to complete. I lucked into the first
two, but the last two bids I gave up on, went for $82 and $102!!
I don't want them that bad. I'm hoping I might find them in
Japan for less than that. Or maybe something even better.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Morning Sick

Everything made me tense and frustrated today. I hate days like
that. You know you could change it, if you could just look at
it differently. None of it really matters, just not dealing
well with continuous interruptions and too much work to do that
wasn't getting done, and feeling crappy.

If I could just flip a switch in my brain, and laugh and relax,
I'd get just as much done. And not be tense. Every morning
starts out hard. I'm not sleeping well, I have a hard time
waking up, and I always feel sick the first hour of work. I can
only guess that it has something to do with breakfast, combined
with something? Jeez, I'm eating sugar free oatmeal. I thought
that was good for you. Can one have a a bad medicine and
oatmeal interaction? I don't get it.

Or maybe it is just that I'm allergic to mornings.
I always start to feel better around 11 or noon. Weird.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Dream Wolves

I had the strangest dream last night about a pack of hundreds of
wolves trying to cross a city. I was driving along the freeway
and they were all being hit by cars and trucks on the ramps
and bridges. Everyone was appalled by the carnage, and wanted
the wolves to make it, they were so beautiful and brave.
And way out of their league in a high speed society. They
couldn't survive, but they kept trying to go forward and
continued to be hit and die. I woke up feeling disturbed and sad.

I suppose it was an allegory for something, but I really don't
know what. Why can't dreams or the subconscious just spit it
out in clear language? It seems so wasted if you never get the
message. And I generally don't. The dreams are always that
vivid, in full technicolor, and I virtually never have any
idea what they are about.

I don't like it when people play games and don't come out and
try to say what they really mean. So I don't like my subconscious.
I'd never have it as a friend. Unfortunately, telling it to
go away doesn't work very well.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Souless Wonder

I thought things were getting complicated yesterday. Today I saw
what could be coming up for me this year and it is kind of
overwhelming. The next year could be far, far too interesting.
I know I can do it, but jeez, it mostly makes me tired.

Becoming a beach bum is looking more and more attractive.
Unfortunately I want to be a rich beach bum. I haven't figured
out how to do that one yet.

The challenge is how to handle the work load, and still have
time for myself, to do my shows or whatever other creative things
I want to be doing. Work alone doesn't fulfill the soul.
I don't want to have an empty soul.
But then, do you get a prize for having a full one?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Rocketing Days

I have to remember to pause now and then, and breathe. Work
has been going at a frantic pace. The day is a long blur, and
when I get home I still have to eat, exercise, read email,
and try to get in an hour or two of something pleasant to wind
down.(Right now I am working my way through the anime show
"Full Metal Alchemist". It is kind of dark, so I'm not sure
it can be good for winding down...)
This pace promises to keep up right until I go to Japan.

When there is too much to do, I really don't know how to
stop and relax during the day. I do breathing when I think
of it, which is almost never. I enjoy my drives to and from
work a lot more now that I use that time to listen to my
Japanese lessons on my ipod. I'm not sure that counts as
relaxing, though. At least the commute isn't boring.

So with this pace, I haven't put any more thought into what
it is I really want to be doing (when I grow up). It is just
sitting in the back of my mind as something I need to think
about - real soon now.

Monday, February 12, 2007

What is Time?

I used to want to live forever. I still do, if I could not age,
and still feel good and look reasonable. Feeling stiff and
achy is not a wonderful prize for surviving!

But as I get older, the weirdest thing is the perspective.
Time seems to stretch behind you for a very long time. When
you think about something in your childhood and it was decades
and decades ago, it feels pretty weird. Of course I forget
more and more. In my 20's I had an incredible memory. I
suppose because there was so much less to remember. Or maybe
I just find most things aren't all that important to remember,
so I only file it away if it is really notable.

I wonder what it must feel like to be 100 years old? That must
be an amazing thing to remember a century. What changes those
people must have seen. I don't suppose I'll know, this body
will fall apart long before then. I got the K-Mart blue light
special body....

And having said that, I think I'll go work out to try to make
this one last a little longer :)

Sunday, February 11, 2007

What do you mean it is 6 weeks away?

Are we there yet?

I've decided to get in shape for Japan by marathon shopping!
Yes, it was back out there shopping today. It works, I'm
stronger today and it hurt less. Today it was a quest for fun
small gifts that it is customary to bring to your hosts in Japan.
Found a few, should get at least three more.

Also found a good low priced digital camera for Cayenne.
His takes a 2 Gb SD card! That has to be enough space for
pictures, it would take the rest of one's life to go through
them all. I think we finally have most everything we need now.
Maybe that was a little pro-active. The trip is still 6 weeks
away!

That will go too fast, though. I'm on a hot project at work that
I need to be nearly done with by the time I leave. That will be
ambitious and will make the time blaze by racing to get it done.

I still cant figure out if I can bring my Claritin-D allergy
medication into Japan. I saw a reference that said you couldn't.
That would be bad. The allergies have been overactive, I'm
sneezing and have a runny nose all the time. It must be due
to being shut in the house. I wish I could open some windows
and let fresh air in. Well I could, and it would be fresh alright,
as it flash froze everything in it's path....

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Buying Stuff!

It was 6 whole degrees F. out today, so it was off shopping!
(Of course everyone else in Minnesota had the same idea, since
we've all been trapped mostly indoors from the cold. It was
very busy at the malls.) It was time to buy luggage for the
Japan trip! My old bag was just too small and ripped on my
last business trip.

I got a beautiful lightweight olive green Jaguar rolling bag,
originally $160, on sale for only $59! It is fairly small and
compact, and has one of those expandable zippers to give you
another 3 inches for when you buy too much on your trip and
have to bring it home. I've had cheap rolling bags before, but
this one is a dream. I've never owned a $160 bag! I was rolling
it all over the store and the house. It has big wheels and
really moves!

I totally failed to find comfortable jeans that I could sit
in a plane for 13 hours in. I finally broke down and bought
a dressy pair of knit pants. It seems wrong. I think knit
pants are ugly, but these look o.k. After many hours in the
plane, I'll probably love them.

Then when we were talking about taking pictures, I realized
my digital camera only had a 128 Mb SD card in it. I could
buy a 1 Gb card for $15 and take over 5000 pictures. I wonder
if that will be enough? :) :)

Anyways, buying things is always fun and was a good way to
forget about the weather. It had better warm up soon before
we are all totally broke!

Friday, February 09, 2007

Frozen Ideas

Do you ever wake up and ask yourself, "where do I go from here?"
I think the long cold spell is getting to me. (Looks like another
week of this). Not that the question is that unusual, I ask
myself that all the time. But the answers get weirder at times.

I keep thinking there is something else I am supposed to be
doing. The days have been awfully the same lately, cold and
lots of hard work. No variation, no excitement, nothing to
strive for. I guess that is why I blather about going to
Japan, a lot. It is the only interesting thing on my horizon.

And after that, then what?

I really don't have any answers. My endless ideas even seem
to be frozen by the cold. I could easily fritter away the rest
of my life on everyday things. I keep really busy and life
is quite decent, but I really want more than that.
I want to do wonderful things, things that matter, or just
things that are grand.
But what?

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Isn't this over, yet?

Jeez! -12 degrees F. last night, -12 tonight, -12 tomorrow
night. It is almost getting boring. Being warm is only a fond
memory. Though it was 3 above when I drove home tonight, with
no wind chill, and it didn't actually hurt. That was nice.

Work was totally fragmented, I was trying to do 5 things at
once, and had to switch between them about every ten minutes.
It was very confusing, and I was glad to go off to see my
hairdresser. Getting a haircut is one more "must do before
Japan" thing to check off of the list.

The Final Fantasy action figures I bought on Ebay came today
and they were gorgeous. Who buys action figures at my age?
I suppose there is no age limit on toys.... I like to think
of them as works of art, or sculptures ;-)

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Coldly The Same

I was driving home and realized I was so darned cold, I could
hardly stand it. I just wanted to be home and warm. It is
supposed to be -10 F. again tonight. And tomorrow. And the
next day. Now they say next week might be a little warmer.
Winter may have kicked in 2 months late this year, but it
sure is trying to make up for the delay!

Absolutely nothing new today. Wrestled with more equipment
at work that just didn't seem to be working right. Still hungry.
Still not warm. Still not in Japan. It is good that February
is such a short month. March looks a lot more promising.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Stupid Things

So I lost 2 1/2 pounds back overnight (so now I'm cold). More
of that mystifying calories making no sense (mine do the Rumba,
quite well). I guess I'm only half as crabby then, since I lost
half of the mysterious weight gain. I'm making sure it keeps
going, though, doing what I call the cereal diet. It is the only
way I lose weight, but it usually fails cause it's so boring I
can rarely do it for more than a week.

Breakfast is oatmeal. Lunch is salad, fruit, nuts and protien
pudding. Dinner is high fiber cereal and a square of dark
chocolate. That's it. Anything more than that, and I gain.
No wonder I dream of potato chips and cake.

Other than that, spending lots of time on the phone at work
with other company's tech support to fix broken equimpent.
Now you would think if you open a tech support call that says
"My firmware is corrupted and I can't load new firmware, and it
no longer recognizes any of its commands", the answer from them
wouldn't be "load this new firmware, and change this command".

HOW? I just told you I couldn't load firmware and the
commands don't work! That's like them asking to send an email
that your email is down! The first rule of tech support should
be to ask the customer what they think is wrong, and then
listen to the answer.

Anyways that took most of the afternoon, to get that far, and
the person went home, and they passed me on to another support
center, and then I went home. And my equipment is still broken.
Is this how to save money by wearing out the customer trying to
get it fixed? But it won't work. My company pays me to sit on
the phone and wait them out. Ha!

Monday, February 05, 2007

Whining From the Dead

Nobody shot me, so I was forced to face the scale this morning.
And then I shot myself, so I can't write this, because I'm dead.

But since I seem to be typing, anyways, I'll keep going.
Calorie theory really bugs me. You have to eat 3500 extra
calories to put on 1 pound. I also should burn a bit over
2000 calories, just to keep me moving for a day.

But if I eat over 1500 calories a day, I gain weight. This
weekend I ate about 3000 calories each day. So by calorie
theory, that is an excess of 2000 calories, if you don't
count all the exercise I did. So at worst, I should have
gained about 2/3 of a pound. So where did the 5 pounds
come from? In two days?

There isn't a doctor that can explain it to me. All they can
do is recite useless calorie theory that I absolutely prove
wrong every day. Great, I can produce miracles, but what a
worthless miracle. Why couldn't I challenge money theory?

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Shoot me before I get on the scale

Oh dear. Another fun and fattening day! I went to a Super Bowl
party at a friends house, which is funny. I don't think I've
actually watched a whole Super Bowl in 25 years. However,
the money sort of ran out this weekend and it was just like
college days; you go to a party with good food, because you'll
be able to eat. I did end up watching the whole game and
it was moderately entertaining, though the commercials were
disappointing. I expected better.

And the food and beer was excellent - so of course I had
plenty! I'll have to starve for the next week to make up for
this weekend. It was far too good in the food department.
Which also works out, because I don't get paid until Friday!

Even lifting weights, treadmill and a couple hours of active
Swing Away Golf on the Wii console probably wont offset
the overindulgence. But I was quite active today. The golf
game really has you swinging that remote hard and jumping up
and down when you get a Birdie on a hole. I'm amazed that
video games may actually turn out to be healthy. :)

The weather is threatening to be -19 degrees F. tonight.
Maybe the extra fat will help....

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Out into the elements

Oh my, I'm glad I went out there. It is DAMNED cold out, wind
chill of -29 F. (real temperature of about -10). But I was just
at the most lovely party. A bunch of folks who make their own
absinthe. I tasted many kinds, including a vintage from 1914
that cost $1600 for a bottle; only 76 bottles exist! It was
incredibly good, and now I'm all warm and fuzzy :)

There was also stir fry food, and homemade chocolates (which
go amazingly well with absinthe). Oh wait, was I dieting?
I met some great new people, who had similar interests in
books and literature, food and drink, travel, and several
of them even spoke some Japanese. We pledged to get together
at Psycho Suzies (a kitchy bar that specializes in huge Tiki
drinks and artery clogging appetizers), or at the karaoke bar.
I love meeting new, fun people. A spectacular evening.

Friday, February 02, 2007

I'm Not going out there!

It was minus 10 degrees F. last night and heading for more than
that tonight. Then it is supposed to get really cold! Daytime
highs of -5. Lows more than -15. Wind chills of -30. I don't
want to go out there. This used to be normal for Minnesota, but
I'm becoming a wimp. Its been fairly warm the last few years.

Unfortunately I have parties to go to the next 2 days. If it
weren't for that, I really would hibernate. But the temperatures
aren't supposed to be sane again until Thursday, so I suppose
I'll have to go out there, sometime.

Right now, its me and the wood stove. Buddies! And I won't set
my butt on fire. I hope.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Dog are dumb

They really are. Because of the cold weather, the wood stove
is burning away, and one of the dogs stood right in front of
it. A strange smell of singed dog hair began to emanate from
that direction.

Yes, he burned his butt. And never noticed. He just wandered
off looking for food. And then came back and stood by the
stove again. I'm glad I'm not as dumb as a dog. At least
he is happy, I guess!

I spent all day installing 64 bit Linux and Windows servers.
They needed all different drivers and software because of
the 64 bits, so I had to go find each new software for all
stuff I normally install on them. Even little things like
WinZip didn't work with it. The workday went by very fast.

Tomorrow I think I will stay in bed, as it will be below
zero. Or I'll get up and face the AIX and SuSE installs
waiting for me. I suppose since it will already be painful
out, I might as well go in.