Thursday, June 28, 2007

Opposites Attract

Everyday is a battle between wanting something big and
interesting to happen, and wanting things to be peaceful
and being able to sleep. Why are we such contrary
creatures? Or is it just me? I always want two totally
opposite things at the same time. Just about everything
in my life is like that.

Still no idea if the Alli pills work. I lost a pound the
first day, and have been sitting there ever since. It
does seem to have broken the gaining weight cycle. But
it promises you can lose 50% more weight with it. 50% of
the zero I've been able to lose so far, is still zero.

The roommates band is recording their next CD in our
basement starting tonight. If they ever get famous, will
our basement become fondly remembered? It would be just
like me to get famous for my basement....

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

At long last...

The next Uncomfortable Questions is finally, finally done and
posted. Get it! Interview with Linda.

Time to start editing the next one, so it is up in less than
a month this time!

My job here is done.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Catching up

Massive edit session last night and tonight, trying to redo the
entire edit that I lost yesterday, as fast as possible. I
should be done tomorrow night, and hopefully post the show
then. This isn't a job I'd want to do twice very often!

I love talking to the guests on the show, but I'm not all that
fond of doing the edit, but that is just laziness. I like
the final product a lot! Makes it worth the pain.

Speaking of pain, I am starting to notice the exercise is
paying off. I'm going longer, I generally feel better, and
my strength is increasing. I'm biking and walking faster. I
can't say that my weights are increasing on the weight lifting,
but I only do that twice a week. I can actually feel some
muscles now.

I don't think I will ever think of exercise as fun....

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Techno Crash

Darn it! This has been a bad technology weekend. First the
SD card failing to during recording the band, and today!
Augh! I'm so frustrated....

I had finished the entire edit of the the U.Q. show, and saved
it out as a mono MP3 file. This is only the 2nd time I've done
the show on the Mac, instead of the PC, and something went very
wrong with the encoding. I lost the entire edit. 2 days of work.
Apparently the new program could only write out a stereo file
when brought in as a .mov file, split tracks, joined and merged.

So no show. I pouted for about an hour, took a deep breath, and
started over from the beginning. I got one file done (and
correctly formatted this time). It may be done by Tuesday.
I hate feeling like I wasted an entire weekend.

Weekends are in short supply.

But I did interview my roommate for the next show today, and
that went quite well. The new SD card has a weird quirk, when
you first try to save the file, it says the "media is full",
even though it is not. But if you swear at it, and save again,
it works. Everytime. I'm convinced it is the swearing that
makes it give in, and work...

Staggering Back to Life

Back to creating. Sort of. The filming of the roommate's band
was fun, but didn't go well. His equipment failed during the
show, and then my MicroTrack's SD card failed 13 minutes into
taping off the sound board. So we will have to try again at
one of their next shows. It has to be done by the end of
August, so we should have a couple more chances.

I finally got back to editing the U.Q. show I've had staring
at me for the last several weeks. I will try to finish it
tomorrow. I also have another interview to do tomorrow.
So I'm still being lazy, but at least I'm back to work on the
creative things.

I picked up some of those new Alli diet pills yesterday, and
am going to try again to deal with the health. I don't know if
it will work, but nothing else seems to work, so I just keep
trying things, hoping something will make a difference.

My new goal is to go to London again, but I'll have to
get a lot healthier and stronger than I was in Japan. That
was rather hard on me. I don't know if I can do it, either,
but if I don't have a goal, I won't even try.

Why do I need a cattle prod to keep myself moving in any
direction?

Friday, June 22, 2007

Humans. Bah!

"Time doesn't heal. It teaches you to live with the pain."

I ran across the quote in a Japanese comic book. Who says comics
aren't educational?

Thinking a lot about existence. I'm becoming increasingly
annoyed with the boring, mundane things we have to do every day.
I all seems like a royal waste of a life.

I think life could be so much more than it is, but between
work, feeding ourselves, running errands, cleaning the house -
all the little daily routines - there is nothing left.
We are tired, distracted, and have no time for each other
or ourselves.

I can imagine lives filled with discovery and study, searching
for meaning and fulfillment. But I spend my days trying to
remember to buy toothpaste, or doing something meaningless at
work.

I don't see a real way to break out of it. The whole of
society is set up to keep us on this treadmill. Even I like
the "shiny things" so much, I keep running after them too.

I find I can't think of anything to say to my fellow humans
anymore. I tried hard for the last five years to break out, to
connect to others, but ultimately, no one wants to go deeper
or take the chance to explore life deeper. I've stopped making
time for others, and wandered into my own little world of
trivial existence.

I think the human race has missed the boat. We could be so
much better, but somehow we collectively decided to stay
like this.

We missed out on something wonderful, I think. But sadly, I
am part of this decision too. I hope it is worth it.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Sober One

Yay, I have tomorrow off! It's Cay's birthday today, and I get
to be the "designated driver" tonight, when our household goes
with him to celebrate at our favorite watering hole.

I haven't been out in awhile, so even sober, it will be fun
to see everyone. I suppose I should get him a present on the
way home from work. No point in rushing into these things....

Tomorrow we are going to tape a music video for the roommate's
band. They are going on tour in August, and want a video to
sell. I enjoy making videos for local bands, and if I didn't
have a real job, I'd like to do more of them.

But this does mean no sleep for the next two nights.
That gets harder every year, someday I'll just have to retire,
and stay up as late as I like!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Checking in...

Nothing new. I'm doing a lot of research at work, and that is
kind of fun, and relaxing in a weird way. It's like getting
paid to look up stuff on the web. How bad is that?

The exercise and strict diet just might, maybe, be paying off.
I've only lost 3 pounds, but I'm a lot stronger, changing
shape, and the asthma is finally under control. I'm trying
to push the exercise time up a little more every day. Eh,
such a long road ahead. 3 down, a million to go....

Still watching videos and reading a lot. It seems like my
brain is still on hiatus. Hopefully it will send a postcard
soon and tell me how it is doing.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Electric Dreaming

Somehow the weekend continued in the technical vein. Endlessly
tweaking the Mac mini, to make it into the perfect system for
the entertainment center. I spend most of my days doing
high tech things.

It's pretty weird when you think about it. Days of setting up
computers, learning programs, and for entertainment, reading
things on computers or watching digital images, or playing
digital games. A whole life spent in the digital world. How
removed from the outer life. Is it real? Is this the future?

I love trees and earth and flowers, and yet I rarely go out
to see them. I enjoy the outer life, but spend most of my time
inside of electronic worlds. I often ask the question, "Does
my life have a meaning?" Does an electrical life have a
meaning? Are we creating new forms of life, new universes,
or is only a dream?

Then I wonder if dreams have meaning. Is it enough to dream?
What if this is what I was meant to be?

Saturday, June 16, 2007

I dreamed it was summer...

Lazy Summer days. They amble on, warm and sleepy, like living
in a dream. Do we wake up? Does it matter?

I took a bit of my work bonus and am setting up an entertainment
system on my T.V. driven by a Mac Mini. It just made more sense
than the Apple TV, for what I wanted to do. I have a remote
keyboard, and can control the whole thing from the couch.
Now instead of streaming content from my computer, I have a
dedicated station to download, archive, watch, play music,
look at web videos, etc. It works great for 3 geeks in a
household.

I also got an M-Audio 49 keystation to use for composing
music in GarageBand. It makes things a lot easier! I like
putting loops together to make a song, but it always fell
flat. I always felt it needed a real melody over the top.
I play piano, and now I can just play the keyboards into
my song, with any synthesizer sound. Now I really should
get around to writing more music.....

But first, I suppose I have to edit that next show. Maybe
it will motivate me, to write new theme music for it. I've
been using the same darned one for almost 2 years now.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Two sides to every coin...

The days just keep rolling. Why should they not? Some things
change, some things don't. Why do I expect any different?
The big changes are scary, the no changes are boring.
Ah, dilemma. But don't we all secretly wish that our
lives will become massively different, (for the better,
of course,) with no fear or discomfort?

Work is good, on the whole, but there are tough patches.
Home is good, on the whole, but there are tempests in a
teapot for some of it's members.

The Syntha-6 is solving my hunger problems, but the weight
is about the same. The exercise happens, but it is 90
degrees and uncomfortable to do it.

I'm hoping this is the end of my quiet times. I'm caught
up on all the things I wanted to read, and nearly so with
the things I wanted to watch. With luck I'll be satiated,
and ready to dive into some new things. Or not.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Teaching? Me?

Yah! Teaching is hard work! I'm teaching a class at work
tomorrow, and it took me 2 days to prepare for it. Handouts,
slides, set up demos on 3 different machines, using 2 test
tools. Why did I volunteer for this?

I finally broke down and bought the air conditioner for the
1st floor today, so I won't get trapped in my bedroom this
summer. (And also to help with the asthma, if it bugs me
again.) It's huge!!! A Frigidaire 15100 BTU unit. It weighs
130 pounds, so it will be fun to install... The guys are
threatening to take that task on tomorrow.

I don't want to sound like a product placement ad, but I
found an interesting thing for hunger today. One of
the places I get vitamins online sent me a free sample of
Syntha-6 time release protein powder (vanilla ice cream
flavored). I mixed it with water at work, and was really
full for the next 3 hours. First time I haven't been hungry
in days. Ran right off to GNC and bought it. Anything that
kills the hunger and tastes really, really good is mine!
It is such a relief to not be in hunger pain.

I'll try it for the next few days, and see if it helps...

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Busy but Quiet

Nothing much going on. A lot of work, and I even worked a little
remotely today. Watched a movie with the roomate, and it it took
us several hours to get through it. We kept coming up with funny
ideas for shows and had to keep pausing the show and writing the
stuff down. Comedy ain't pretty, and it really gets in the way of
getting through a movie!

Trying not to die of hunger, (and failing - I think I'm dead...) and
keeping up rather well with the exercise. Not bad for a lazy person.
Only lost a couple of pounds though. An older friend at work insists
I should try it for month before making any judgements. Sometimes
she goes weeks with no weight loss and then suddenly 5 pounds falls
off, then nothing for another month.

The hunger usually stops me before then, but I'll try to hang in there.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I got straight A's on my report card, dad...

I got my review at work today. I've been there 2 years.
I remembered why I work so hard. I feel like a kid who
got a stellar report card. It doesn't matter how old
you are - that feeling that you did something good
through your own efforts are the same.

They really like me, and appreciate it when I work so
hard. I glowed for the rest of the day. A place that
values me, and a place that I value. A place where
everyone strives together to be the best they can be.
I think I have truly found where I belong for now.

How weird to be a person. Yesterday, I looked in the
mirror, and for a moment was startled that I was a
human, when I thought about what all that meant.
Today I am thinking about what simple emotions can
motivate us to go so far. Praise. Appreciation. That
is all it takes? Oh yeah, I suppose money doesn't hurt.

A place to belong. To have meaning, however small in
the scope of the universe. For today, it is enough.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Apropos of Nothing

Work, starve, exercise, goof off for an hour, bed.
The days are feeling a bit repetitious. Work is always
different and a little too exciting, but the rest is
the same. Work tried to send me to Mexico yesterday,
since the guy who was supposed to go didn't have an
active passport, but then we figured out a different
way to get the job done. I've never been to Mexico,
at least it would have been different....

The exercise isn't making me lose weight, but my
shape is noticeably changing, and I am getting stronger
every day. I suppose I should just keep at it, and see
what happens. If only I wasn't so darned hungry. I am
hallucinating a steak right now, I think.

I've been so strange lately. I just don't want to do
much. The weather is beautiful, but I don't go out and
enjoy it. I don't talk a whole lot when I'm at home, I
just can't think of anything to say. (And for those that
know me, that is pretty weird. I usually don't stop
talking.) It's like I'm living in my head a lot. Not
very reflective or anything, just telling myself
entertaining stories. Hopefully this is just quiet
phase. I still talk a lot at work, so I'm not totally
out of it!

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Blah

I couldn't get motivated to do anything this weekend.
I did have a lovely interview for the show with Linda from
Utah, yesterday though. The cool thing is she is going to
be in town the end of the month for a conference. I finally
get to meet one of my Skype interviewees in person! Totally
cool. If I had infinite time, and money, I'd like to go
have lunch with each person I've interviewed but never met.

I'm kind of down, because the asthma was getting better last
week, and I thought whatever triggered it in April might be
out of the air now. But it flared back up this weekend, and
I had to cut activity short. I hate it when it stops me from
exercising. My lungs fail long before my body.

I am determined to take off 10 pounds, since I will have to
be traveling soon for work and I want to be more comfortable
in those tiny plane seats. It's bad enough that I'm 5'10"
tall, but the extra weight I've put on from the meds makes
it even more tight. I'm totally dedicated to doing the
exercise (finally), but then the asthma stops me. I'm
gasping after 20 minutes. Pisses me off.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Momentary Quiet

One of those days where I was continuously trying to do
three things at once the entire time I was at work.
Now everyone is out of the house for the evening, and I
am enjoying the quiet. A definite need to chill out.

I worked out hard to burn of the frazzled energy.
My roommate was so right about moving a T.V. into
the workout room. I doubled the time I exercise, and
look forward to it, so I can see the next 2 installments
of Gundum Wing. Hey, nobody said you had to watch high
art while working out.

It's the perfect excuse to watch all those dumb shows, I
never got around to. Giant Robots bashing each other is
a great thing to exercise to!