Thursday, August 30, 2007

Sucked into entertainment

Just got the video game "Blue Dragon".

This is made by the guys who made my obsession games
"Final Fantasy". They left the big studio to go off on
their own. This is my first look at what they've been
up to.

Gotta go geekout playtime!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Withering Heights

It was so perfect outside today; 73 degrees, breezy and sunny.
My friend Sharon, from work, and I walked around the building
twice during lunch (1/2 mile). Talking with a lively person
makes exercise much easier!

Then I went back to work, and she went to jump out of an
airplane. She is 6 years older than I am, but I felt like
the old, unexciting person.

Three people from work had scheduled a tandem jumping
session today and everyone teased them through the
morning. Lots of "Break a Leg!", and "Well, it's been nice
knowing you!" comments were flying around.

I admire them, but I would never, ever jump out of an
airplane. I am terrified of heights, I even dislike rides
with dropping motions in them. I think stepladders are
challenging! I will stay safely on the ground and wish
them an exciting experience, and save this creaky, fragile
body to make it through another day.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

You call that freedom?!

I was in the bathroom at work today, deep in thought on some
technical problem, when for the 1st time in 2 years, I noticed
the tampon dispenser. It had bold letters on it "Freedom of
Choice". And a picture of a woman with an armful of roses.

It actually threw me. I stood there and pondered it for a
minute or two. Was the "freedom" that you could choose a
pad or a tampon? A choice of two things. Is that freedom?
What the heck does that have to do with freedom, anyways?
It didn't make me feel free. I passed it off to ostentatious

The smiling, pretty woman with the roses also gave me pause.
If you've had a period, you usually aren't smiling. And
you certainly don't smell like roses, nor do you want to
go gather any. I really was trying to understand why they
put the things they did on the dispenser, and failing.

At this point it was a struggle to get back to the technical
problem I was supposed to be thinking about. One should not
be so easily foiled by these clever advertising boxes....

Monday, August 27, 2007

Dizzy Grown Ups

Yech. I woke up with that vertigo thing again today. I still have
no idea why. It wasn't as bad as Thursday, so I went to work
anyways. I could drive, and work, as long as I didn't make any
sudden movements of my head. I felt pretty awful, though.

I think if I'm going to have Vertigo, I should also have Lumbago.
It would be fun to tell people you had Vertigo and Lumbago.
Two of the cooler names for medical problems. They sound kind
of jaunty. Though the actual problems aren't as fun as their

I met a woman at the party last night who looked and acted
pretty old. I didn't feel like I had much in common with her.
She was he mother of one of my friends who was hosting the party.
It turns out she is the same age as me. It made me really think
about how people age differently.

And made me glad I could go home and play video games and goof
off. Being a responsible person isn't overrated.
Being a "grown-up" is.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

This *&#!%! Old House

Today, I had the bright idea that I would finally pull up that ugly
sheet vinyl on the bathroom floor. I would then run down and get
a few boxes of the nice laminate that "looks just like wood" floor,
and start putting that in. Then finally everything on the 1st and
2nd floors of my house would at last be finished (after 8 years).

Unfortunately, like every house project, that is not what happened.
The floor was put in by insane people. It was well-glued vinyl,
applied directly over a 1/8 board underlayment that was nailed about
every inch, that had been applied over 2 more layers of older
sheet vinyl. A mornings worth of pounding, chiseling, scraping
and swearing got off about a 3 foot by 3 foot section of floor.
It was also moldy and water damaged underneath. Some of the
boards in the original floor will have to be replaced.

So this is a longer term project that will take weeks. I just
*love* old houses (except when sloppy, crazy people have done
"repairs" on them.

Then it was off to a barbeque at some friend's house. It was an
almost perfect summers day out - very glad I got to spend some
time outdoors. It is starting to feel like summer is winding
down, and I'm just not ready for fall yet. But, it didn't ask me
(it never does...)

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Cayenne sent this to me today :) --"Me vs Hoover"

The usual stuff

Not much to say really. My stitches hurt. I took off the bandages,
to find I have 5 stitches, the doc. cut out more than I thought.
I wrote a song today, and did some shopping for storage bins
for the basement.

And we got some spark plug cables for the roommate and brought
them to him at Guitar Center where he works, so he could fix his
car. He showed us the new Korg M3 workstation, and I played with
it for awhile. I want one!
(next time I have a spare $3000, that is.)

So I'll just post the picture I got from Cay when he tried
out a new comic making program.... :) :)

[double click on the picture to see it better]

Friday, August 24, 2007

Doctor Surprise

Last time I had my physical, my NP wanted me to go have a couple
of dark moles looked at by Dermatology. So I trotted in there
today like a good girl (I really don't think the moles are a
problem, they are largish and dark but they don't seem to have
changed much).

I just assumed she would look at them and say "Yay or Nay".
What I didn't know, was to determine if they are a problem
(if they look suspicious at all) they cut the bloody things
out entirely, and send them in for biopsy!

It didn't hurt that much, I just wasn't prepared to be cut up,
before I toddled off to work. So now I have 5 stitches in me,
on my abdomen and leg, that kinda sting.

Then you have to wait 2 weeks to get the results and get the
stitches out. I'm still not really worried about it (though I
will be if they are cancerous....), just kind of surprised
by the whole thing.

The one on my arm that she sent me in for, wasn't even one that
she cut out. She said just to watch that one, and decided to
take the 2 other ones when she did a full body check. They don't
even look like all those pictures they show you, for moles you
should be concerned about. I give up. I always seem to be
non-standard. (I didn't have any of the symptoms of diabetes
at all, so they missed that I had it for about 5 years).

So I'm going to continue to believe this is nothing, and it
probably is nothing. Maybe doctors just like to cut out parts
of peoples bodies, to make them feel like they are doing
something :)

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Dogs and Rain

And today I'm fine. Go figure. Got lots of work done, though
I had to walk between the buildings in the rain countless
times today. Umbrellas are for wusses. I don't even own one,
I figure I"m washable.

So weird that we went from drought to +1 inch of rain for
the year in about 5 days. We are very soggy here!
The dog is mad because the backyard is very muddy, so we
can't run him around the yard with the laser.

I always wanted a Frisbee dog, but he is so dumb, he just ate
them all. He wont fetch, he won't play ball. The only game
he likes is chasing the pen laser in the dark. He will run
after it endlessly, and try to catch the red light.

Once we put down a piece of dog food when he wasn't looking,
and then shone the laser on it. For the first time when he
bit the light, he got something in his mouth! We immediately
shut of the laser, and praised him for getting it. He was
so happy.

When you don't have anything better to do than to play tricks
on your dog, man, times are rough....

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Eh, What was that?!

I was so tired an stiff last night, I took a big dose of Magnesium
(good for stiffness and diabetic stuff) and went to bed early.
In the middle of the night when I turned over I noticed I was
a little dizzy. When I woke up, I couldn't even sit up from the
vertigo. Needless to say I didn't go into work today, and I didn't
manage to get out of bed until 5 pm, and I'm still not right.

That is the third time in a year this has happened to me. I was
sure the last two times were due to a new allergy drug, it happened
both times I took it. This time? The only thing I did differently
was the Magnesium. I looked it up, and it doesn't have that side
effect, and it is nearly impossible to overdose on, your body
eliminates any excess.

Cay's theory is since I've been feeling so bad, it pulled out a
lot of toxins into my system as it was flushing them out. He thinks
this because it actually worked, all the stiffness and pain is gone.
I guess I'd rather look at it that way, rather than that something
is wrong with me. I can only go on the last two experiences. I was
always better by the next day.

Now I'm wondering if I should take more of it, or not? Diabetics
are very low in magnesium and are supposed to take supplements.
I did take the maximum dose of a powder form, so maybe I'll try
a much lower dose on the weekend.

Heck of a way to get a day off from work. But since I couldn't
get up, I finished the Garth Nix book "Lady Friday". Now I have
to wait until he writes the last 2 books in the series, I've
rather enjoyed them.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

My Pal Death

I'm still pretty tired. Why does one have entire weeks where
you're tired all the time? For no particular reason? Then
the next week I'll be fine. I wish it wasn't so random. I
can't seem to tie it to anything.

I've been working in a back lab the last couple of days, doing
repetitive installs of computers. It gives me too much time
to think. I find myself staring out of the window thinking
about my friend who died last week. I wonder what she went
through and what she thought of it all. I can never come to
terms with death, I just eventually accept it happened.

Everybody has to watch people around them die over and over,
and eventually it is your turn. We've been doing this for
thousands of years, billions of people throughout the ages.
Why aren't we better at this, then? We should have had this
down to an art or a science by now. But we don't, it never
gets easier for anyone to accept or go through.

Its a pretty rotten system, if you ask me.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Cotton and Jello in my head

I'm so fuzzy, I just can't wake up. I've been walking around in
a zombie daze all day. I'm amazed I managed to get any work done.
I've taken a pill at night for the last several days for the
neuropathy pain, but they have the side effect of making you sleep
hard. I think they caught up with me today.

I guess I'll skip the pill tonight. I don't like being this
tired and confused. I haven't had to take the pills for over
a year, and then the pain came back. I thought I had it beat,
just like the asthma. Darn it, why do these problems keep
returning? I think you should have to deal with them once,
and have them go away.

I asked the question in the show I just put up, if I should
change the format of my show, to have the audience send me sound
files with their answer to one "big question" that I ask each
show. If I don't hear from everyone, I suppose that will be
my answer. It will only fly if the audience will participate.
I really would like to keep doing the show in some fashion.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Soggy Daze

It rained the entire weekend. It really never stopped. And
It was around 57 degrees. It feels like late September.
Other than being wet, not much else happened here.

A bit south more people died when some bridges washed out
from more than 10 inches of rain. Minnesota and bridges
just aren't doing so well...

So I edited. Then next Uncomfortable Questions is now up.
This is the one with the 21 year old male prostitute.
It's a charming and interesting show. Get the Corey Interview

Other than that I slept a lot. I've been very tired. This is
not the picture of health!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Goodbye M.K.

Three friends have become two. My cube mate and dear friend from
the California years finally succumbed to cancer yesterday.
I hate death. There simply is nothing good to be found in it.
My other cube mate and friend and I have been mailing back and
forth today, getting our heads around it.

Mary Kay was around my age and the kindest woman on earth.
She loved animals and spent many of the last years helping in
animal shelters. She had many animals of her own, and her house
was always set up for their convenience.

If there was a god, it should leave people like Mary Kay here
on earth. So many needed her. When we were lonely in California,
she took in Cay and I, like so many strays. God had better have
needed someone to take care of the animal spirits, really badly.

If there were a heaven, then Mary Kay now has 10,000 cats and
a few dogs, piled on her now.

I'm railing uselessly against the Universe....


Thursday, August 16, 2007

Are there finals at the end of life?

If you could have anything, what would you have?
Health? Money? Fame? Beauty? Joy? Friends? Love?

I would hate to have to pick just one. Of course I want
all of the above. And the answer would be different on
each day. Most of the days I would answer money.
The rest of the days, I think I would pick health.

With just those two things, most things seem possible, and
I surmise that I would be pretty happy...

Joy would also be interesting. I've felt excitement,
but I'm not quite sure about joy. It is a word, it must
exist, but I'm not sure I can define anything I've felt
as joy.

But actually I don't want to pick. I think each day of the
week I would like to have the next thing on the list. What
I mostly want is a huge variety of experiences. To try out
all of what it means to be human.

I really think there might be a test at the end....

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Future Nostalgia

Feeling a little nostalgic today. I'm on LinkedIn (sort of a
"My Space" for professionals), and people from old jobs are
gradually hooking up. Brings back a lot of old memories.
I've worked with a lot of amazing people over the years.
But it also makes me feel old....

I generally think "young" because I always look ahead, never
back. I don't regret my past, because there is always
something ahead, I am running towards. What's done is done.
I've always liked futurism, Science Fiction, and all
the latest tech gadgets. I virtually never think about the
past, and it is weird to be remembering all these people.

When I get really old, I won't be one of those people who
just dwell in their pasts. I'll be down at the Apple store
getting the very hottest computer or phone.

I don't understand people who live in their memories. The
future just keeps getting cooler. I like it there. I'm so
happy I lived long enough to have the Internet. I've been
on some form of the Net, since 1985. It is everything I
hoped for, reading science fiction as a kid.

One of my regrets is that I'll never get to go into space.
When I was in college, I thought I might. That by the time
I was this age, there would be tourism to the moon.

I guess I'll catch that one, next time around.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Another Wild Night

What is with these storms? We got clobbered on Saturday, and
again last night. Again, our neighborhood missed the worst of it -
just 4 large branches came down in the yard from our big trees.

But it was enough to miss sleep again. Came in about 11:30pm.
While the last storm had the most incredible lightning, this one
had the most incredible thunder. As it approached, it sounded like
a continuous jet engine. When it came over us, it was so deep,
it was almost subsonic. Ever roll of thunder actually shook the
house and the windows for about a half an hour. And the rain was
pretty much horizontal. It looked like a hurricane outside.

So I'm rather tired again today. I also worked out hard last night,
I'm trying to get this weight moving again. I've been stuck for
3 weeks, after losing the initial 6 pounds. I guess the jury is
still out on the Alli diet pills. I hope I get more benefit than
that out of them!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Summer Sundays

Low key day. A little shopping. I had a gift card and finally decided
to buy a blanket with it. Mine are all falling apart, and ignoring
the heat of lately, I will be glad of a blanket in a couple of months.
I also bought a cheese grater with the rest of the card. I have
no idea what blankets and cheese graters have in common, and why
I was thinking of those 2 items at the same time.

Our friend David came over and our household plus him had a nice
barbeque in the back yard. This is the first day it hasn't been
too hot in awhile, so it was nice to be outside. I laid in the
hammock and looked at the fluffy clouds passing overhead. Ah,
the good parts of summer...

We wished we had beer to go with the food, but Minnesota still has
annoying liquor laws, where you can't buy liquor on Sundays.
Really dumb. That is always when I want one. We are civilized in
most other ways, really!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Lucky Miss

Tired. I tried to go to sleep at 1am, but the pets were restless.
The guys came home at 2am, and then an insane storm moved in at
3am. I've never seen light purple and white on the radar before.

Our neighborhood came out lucky, no damage, just a lot of heavy
rain, and continuous lightning. It never stopped or paused, for
about an hour. I've never seen anything like that! It was quite
the show. There were a lot of trees and utility poles down, just
south of us, but the winds of 70 mph seemed to have missed us

So I finally got to bed at 4am. Today, I'm not very awake or moving
quickly. Lots of just low key stuff. Played the demo for Eternal
, a game coming out for the Xbox 360 next month. I'm sold.
It is a beautiful game.

The heat index was 106 degrees today until the rains came again
this afternoon. So I'm still just puttering around the house.
I hope I'm worth more tomorrow.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Lazy NIght

My replacement mouse came from Apple, so I am now happily
scrolling down. However my copy of ilife 08 didn't come. :(
I was planning on cracking GarageBand open and writing
music this weekend. I guess I'll have to find a plan B.

The guys are both off at the filming of Drinking with Ian,
(a popular local T.V. show) this evening. Cay is doing crew,
and Drew is D.J.-ing on the show! His band MC/VL was on the
show before and they really liked them, and thought if would be
fun to have Drew be "the band" between sets. Should be great.
The show is on the web too, on You Tube, but it lags the current
shows by quite a bit. They let it play the local cable schedule first.

So another quiet night with me and the pets. Good enough, I'm tired
from work. It is so rare I'm alone, it is an interesting change.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Trivial annoyances

Augh, my computer is only 3 months old, and my wireless mouse
has broken already. The little scroll ball on my Mighty Mouse
(not so mighty, eh?) will scroll side to side and up, but wont
scroll down. Seeing how this is the direction I most often
want to go, this is a problem.

Apple is sending me a new one, but it is still frustrating
not to have something I use all the time. Usually their
quality is better than that!

And, of course the beautiful new silver Macs came out 3 months
after I bought mine. Such is the heartbreak of geekdom.

I need more stimulation in my life. I spent most of last night
dreaming about the new laminate flooring we are putting in the
basement. I always resent boring or trivial dreams. I wake up
feeling like I could have spent that time more constructively.
Or at least entertainingly.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Imagination can suck

Everyone is out. Just me and the dogs and cats, scattered
around the living room. It's still pretty hot out, none of us
feel like moving much.

I spent the day getting ready to give my class on security
tomorrow. Security is really boring, I don't know how I'll
keep the class awake. I can't think of any good security jokes.

I hate reading the news. There are still 8 people missing from
the bridge collapse, and I don't want to go by the river. I
think of them there in the water, and it makes me sad. Their
families want them back, so they can bury them and get on.
It is weird how that event got so deep in the consciousness
of this city.

I find myself imagining what it would be like to have been
on that bridge. I've always had an overactive imagination...
But, to be realistic, if it was me, I'd probably not be very
noble and rush to save others. More than likely I'd have an
asthma attack, and have to sit there and take many hits from
my inhaler.

Doesn't make for good heroic fantasy.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Bodies and Beginnings?

Is this the end, or just another beginning?
I'm not sad or depressed, but just kind of empty?
I feel like I am between. It could end here or I could find
new life, new meanings. I wonder which it will be.

Everything is o.k., but kind of stagnant. I don't feel
like I am going anywhere, or moving towards anything.
Every day is pretty much the same.

My health is always a delicate balance, but some days, I think
I'm getting stronger, other days, much weaker.
I think the body will last a while longer. It is stubborn.
When I get down about being so unhealthy all the time, I have
to remember it was always like this. I've been sick and in
some pain most of the time. Since I was born. So many operations.
So many bad days.

This is not getting old, for me. This is normal.
I have some wonder at just how far this body has carried me.
I'm actually kind of proud of it.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

The lovely prostitute

Interesting interview today! My guest today was a 21 year old
male prostitute from Minnesota. He listens to the show and he
volunteered because he was going to be in town this weekend.
How could I resist a male, vegan prostitute, who loves sex and
philosophy? My show is about different philosophies of life,
and this was sure to be different.

So we met and went to a park by one of the lakes.
This got me away from the flight path that my house is in, and
I got better sound quality than usual. He was quite a charming
young man, and I enjoyed the interview. In some ways he was a
typical 21 year old, and in others he was a bit nihilistic or
fatalistic. Or maybe that is typical of 21 year olds :) :)
Nonetheless, it was quite a good time.

I'm still debating if this will be my last show, or if I'll get
more volunteers, or if I'll change the format of the show.

I've though about asking the audience a "big question" and asking
them to answer it in audio files, or even email. I don't know
if I'll get enough responses back to make a show. I suppose I
can try one and see.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Old ceiling to New

Ceilings ahoy!

Today was ceiling day! After staring at our ugly kitchen ceiling
for 8 years, we found the solution for a grid, drop-in type.
There are these thermal treated plastic panels and snap-on
grid strips that make it look like a tin ceiling! It looks
amazing for plastic, and is really easy to work with.

I am pleased. I've now replaced the floor, counters, sink, and
ceiling in the kitchen. It finally looks reasonable.

It also rained all day, hopefully helping the slight drought
we are having. And it was cool, about 66 degrees. Quite the
welcome relief after a month of way-too-hot weather.

Time to kick back and read. I finished Drowned Wednesday by
Garth Nix, and am moving on to House of Leaves by Mark Z.
Danielewski. The household has read it, and declared it amazing.
Friends are asking to borrow it, so I better get going!

Friday, August 03, 2007


I was tireder than I thought yesterday. I think the bridge collapse
took a greater toll than expected. Staying up late, watching the
news about it, hoping no one I knew was on it, answering the calls
and the mail. You don't think it affects you, but it does in
small ways.

The city moves on. Most discussion is now how to get "from here
to there" with the major artery missing. Everyone knows a back
way, another bridge. We adapt. We make new routines. Humans are
amazing sometimes. If we weren't, I suppose we would all fall
apart in a tough world. I suppose that is a good thing.

My thoughts now turn to the weekend and the everyday things.
My new tin ceiling panels came, and I have to work on cutting
and installing the edges. I have an interview for the show on
Sunday. Life continues.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Ah, bridges....

Everyone in Minneapolis is trying to get their heads around
the 35W bridge collapsing into the Mississippi river at rush
hour tonight. We all drive that bridge, 35W is the major artery
through the city.
We've all been glued to our T.V.s, computers and phones.

The phones have been ringing non-stop, the email and text
messages are flying - everyone is checking to make sure everyone
else wasn't on the bridge. So far, everyone has checked in.
I'm just amazed only 7 people are reported dead. The rest just
appeared to ride the bridge down. That thing is high! 65 feet
above the river.

It seems weird that we can't go that way, the bridge is gone.
The way so many go to work, to the Roseville Mall, to the
University - 140,000 cars a day. It just doesn't seem real.
This is the stuff you read about that happens in other towns.