Friday, February 29, 2008

And recovery again

So it's Friday, and my cold is nearly gone. I made it through
the week, which feels like an achievement. Now I get to pick
up the pieces again, and try to get back to getting stronger
and healthier. This is the shortest cold I've ever had, so
I have some hopes there is either some immunity in my body from
all the recent illness - or the liquid vitamins and sambucul
syrup (something I read about that was supposed to shorten
colds) helped.

I'm still convinced that I'm not absorbing the vitamins from
pills or food, so I tried a really good liquid version, and
I did feel better this week. So, back to the exercise this
weekend, to see if I can get back on track.

Other than that - the old dog with the heart problem is still
alive and doing well! He just turned 14 this week. What a trouper.
I'd use him has a role model, except he is such a pushy,
demanding, curmudgeon, that perhaps he isn't the best of

The other dog finally seems to be calming down -
after 8 1/2 years of being hyper active and nuts. He got
really lazy this winter, and gained weight for the first time.
We had a hard time getting enough food into him - he was
always so thin (from vibrating all the time, I think). But
this cold winter slowed him down too. He decided that sleeping
on the couch by the fire was the best! (I agree with him).

Sunday, February 24, 2008

And Hope Dies Fast

Yesterday was lovely, until in the late afternoon, it was evident
that I was getting sick again! This can't be happening, I haven't
even been well for a week.

Since the end of September, that makes 4 colds, and 1 flu. I have
now spent a good 50% of the fall and winter, sick. It is getting
a little hard not to get discouraged. I'm doing everything I know
how to do, to make this stop. I'm taking every vitamin, and
immune enhancer, eating right, exercising.... nothing seems to help.

At some point, don't I have to have every immunity? Some of it is
being exposed to new things, business trips, and a very active
roommate, who is probably bringing home a myriad of germs.
But I can't live in a bubble. I have to get strong enough to
handle meeting new and exciting germs.

The worst part is I have to keep working through all of this
sickness. I can't be out all of the time. I manage to keep going,
but it is taking it's toll on my tired old body. What happens when
I can't keep up this pace? At the restaurant, yesterday, when I
ordered a drink, the waitress checked my id. She looked really
startled, and said "Wow, you don't look THAT OLD!"

Great. I've reached the age where people expect me to look ancient
and feeble. So the good news is I don't look that old on the
outside. On the inside, however....

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Made it to Saturday!

A long, intense, day at work, with some sad news of people
who are leaving. I always hate it when it is one of your favorite
people to work with :( I stayed until 8 pm to get something
critical working, so it was with great relief that I got home
to start the weekend.

We finished playing Rogue Galaxy on the PS2, last night. A great
game, with a really wimpy ending. I hate that, after investing
60+ hours in a game, with characters that you really like, you
really want some kind of a payoff at the end. Now it is on to
Lost Odyssey on the XBox 360. That should wrap up our planned
winter gaming. It was a nice way to pass a very long, cold
winter, when one doesn't have a lot of ambition.

It promises to be 30 degrees and sunny out today, so I am finally
going to take Cay to the Cheesecake Factory - I've been promising
that since I went to one on a business trip last fall. I really
wanted him to experience the wasabi mashed potatoes and their
Mojito is to die for! (Let alone the cheesecake!)

Then on to the Apple Store. One of the fans of his show donated
enough money for him to finally buy a new ipod. His was pretty much
dead, and he loves listening to audio books. He is a happy, happy
man. He has some amazing fans who treat him well! (I wish I could
get my fans to even talk to me - I guess I have a much shyer bunch...)

So it is shaping up to be a very lovely day.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

....and off a cliff

Not really. Things are actually looking up.
My health is returning after the 6 day bout with the flu.
Things are getting nailed down and more sane at work.
And best of all, the weather may warm up!

After yet another shot of sub-sub zero weather, everyone I know
was getting pretty fed-up with winter. The cold crept into all
of our bones, and there was a generalized weariness when you had
to plunge back outside into that nasty frozen air. But the long
term forcast looks like we will only have to deal with 20's and
30's through the end of February. Somehow that sounds better.

What else? I'm trying to finally quit the Nicotine Gum. After
smoking for 24 years, and chewing the gum for 8 years, the flu
turned the trick. I dropped down to 4 pieces of gum a day, (from
11 pieces - and I've held it at that level all week. So I think
it is time to make a run at getting off entirely, next week.

Not a big deal, but I've been a slave to the nicotine for 32 years.
I think it is time to be free. The down side? I'm putting on a
little weight as my system gets unbalanced. I probably have
nicotine instead of blood in my veins. I'm hoping that as it warms
up, I can offset that with more exercise. Wish me luck!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Out of the hole...

I'm almost better. Still very weak and tired, but I was well
enough to log onto work for a few hours and try to catch up
for a meeting tomorrow morning. NOT FUN! I protest! I think
all your work should evaporate when you are sick, instead of
having to work twice as hard to catch up.

I'm going to go play games and pout.

Friday, February 15, 2008

This is getting stupid

I knew this was a tough winter but now I've had the full blown flu
for 3 days. I even had my flu shot! Cay got sick last Sunday, and
he was so sick, I worked from home on Monday to take care of him.
I never get the flu because I get my shots every year, so I
didn't even think about it.

Wednesday I had to interview someone, and even though I felt a bit
off, I drove in and during the interview, it became increasingly
obvious that I had the flu. I came straight home, and had a fever
of 101 and went to bed with the shakes for the next several hours.
My normal temperature is 96.7, so when it gets that high, I know
I'm in trouble.

I spent the next 48 hours in bed, only getting up for, um, gastric
distress symptoms. By this morning, I'd lost 7 pounds, and was
really hungry. However any food causes more gastric distress, so
it is going to take awhile. Cay still has the tail end of it.
So I guess I can count on 6 days of the flu. After 3 colds this
winter, and winter itself! Bah! I'm sick of the whole thing.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Weathering it (but not well)

My mood improved yesterday when I lit a pine scented candle I got
at an after Christmas sale. I know Lavender is a good aromatherapy
for depression, but pine trees? Maybe it is hard-wired into our
noses to think of Christmas, or something.

The high today was -5 degrees. That is not a HIGH!!!! It was
indeed a brutally cold night. I'm sitting right next to a roaring
fire in the wood stove, and Cay is huddled up in a blanket on the
couch. He thinks he has the flu.

The dog has spent most of the night and day huddled on top
of me. I've heard of 3 dog nights (supposedly meaning how many dogs
it takes to keep warm), but my dog is big enough that I really
wouldn't want 3 of him in the bed.

I'm not ready to go back to work. It is still going to be cold.
I spent part of the day looking at real estate on the ocean, and
dreaming of being able to live there.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Angsty on a cold, cold day

Whoah! I think I'm hitting bottom here. The overwork and cold
seems to have taken it's toll. I only notice it when I stop
running as hard as I can to keep up.

My spirits are plummeting with the temperatures - another sub
zero blast today heading for wind chills of 40 below tonight.
I finally have time to think about things today, since it is
too cold to do anything, and I find I really don't know what
I need to do to be happy.

My life is narrowing to work and then trying not to be working.
I'm doing one of those soul searching days.

1.) How do I survive work, and not have it sap so much of my
strength and brain power?
2.) How do I get my health back, lose the excess weight, and get
my heart strong, and asthma back under control?
3.) What the heck do I want to do with the last third of my
life (assuming I have that long left) to feel fulfilled,
and at least experience joy once in a while?

And then I just get sad. I don't have the energy to solve all
of this. And I have even fewer ideas. Usually I have solutions
or things to try for everything, but I've been using up the
problem solving part of my brain at an amazing rate at work,
on 5 different projects.

The only thing I can even think of to do is just survive until
it is warmer, and things settle down to a a dull roar at work.
Not one of my best plans. I'm just tired...

Thursday, February 07, 2008


I looked up more about Sisyphus.
Never mind. He was a total bastard!
I can't compare to him. I hope he is still rolling that
stupid rock up the hill.

My "to do" list gets longer and longer, every day at work.
And I didn't win the lottery either.

It is going to be a long February.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

unfair ratio

It is totally unfair that after working for 12 hours today,
all of it insane high speed research and decision making,
that it would take me 3 more hours this evening to de-stress.

I was worthless and it took that amount of time to relax
the tension in my face and body. I couldn't do anything
but lie on the couch and fantasize about winning the lottery,
so I wouldn't have to do this anymore. Work shouldn't get
15 hours of my day. Cuts into my free time, you know?

Bah! I think I finally have stopped twitching enough to
go sleep. So I can do it again. Sisyphus has nothing on me.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

From under the covers...

The temperatures have returned to a more sensible mid 20's.
Still cold, but survivable for February.

Work remains nuts.
On the drive home on Friday, I kept remembering things that
"really needed to be done, real soon now!". So as soon as I
got home, I logged on to the computer, and sent myself an
email at work of 13 things I had to look into on Monday.
That way I could keep it from preying on my mind for the
entire weekend. That seems to be an effective method for me
to be able to stop worrying about work when I'm not there.

Yesterday, I just puttered all day, decompressing from the
week. Today is a bit more lively, did a lot of catchup on
bills and mail, I have an interview in a couple of hours,
then off to friend Joel's house for a Super Bowl party.

Funny, I don't follow football or sports, but Joel's parties
are not to be missed. He is a master cook, so we all get
together to eat and drink and watch the commercials during
the game. Lots of fun, and my yearly diet wrecker. Worse
than Christmas. That guy can cook!