Saturday, February 09, 2008

Angsty on a cold, cold day

Whoah! I think I'm hitting bottom here. The overwork and cold
seems to have taken it's toll. I only notice it when I stop
running as hard as I can to keep up.

My spirits are plummeting with the temperatures - another sub
zero blast today heading for wind chills of 40 below tonight.
I finally have time to think about things today, since it is
too cold to do anything, and I find I really don't know what
I need to do to be happy.

My life is narrowing to work and then trying not to be working.
I'm doing one of those soul searching days.

1.) How do I survive work, and not have it sap so much of my
strength and brain power?
2.) How do I get my health back, lose the excess weight, and get
my heart strong, and asthma back under control?
3.) What the heck do I want to do with the last third of my
life (assuming I have that long left) to feel fulfilled,
and at least experience joy once in a while?

And then I just get sad. I don't have the energy to solve all
of this. And I have even fewer ideas. Usually I have solutions
or things to try for everything, but I've been using up the
problem solving part of my brain at an amazing rate at work,
on 5 different projects.

The only thing I can even think of to do is just survive until
it is warmer, and things settle down to a a dull roar at work.
Not one of my best plans. I'm just tired...

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