Saturday, April 26, 2008

vs. the grind of not surviving?

Whoa! And things just got a little tougher. Cay had to go work on
the filming of the local T.V. show he is part of: "Drinking with Ian",
last night. He set food up for me, and put everything where I could
reach it, and went off before I got home from work.

When I got there, there were trails of diarrhea through the house.
The old dog was sick. For the next 4 hours I cleaned up dog body
fluids and had to let him out nearly every 5 minutes. Oh yeah, and
I'm supposed to stay off of the foot I just had surgery on. My
foot started to hurt something awful, and I just couldn't keep going.

I called Cay away from his filming. He stayed up the rest of the
night, taking care of the dog. The poor dog has an enlarged heart
and is on 4 kinds of medicine, and he didn't sleep either. He
had to go out every few minutes into the rain and snow. This
went on for 16 hours. He was looking pretty awful.

We got him cleaned up a bit this morning and the poor thing slept
a little. Then he started refusing food, I hadn't seen him drink,
and he started shaking all over. I felt his heart, and it was
really fast and irregular, and I was pretty sure he was dehydrated.
We took him too the emergency vet at 4 pm. He is still there,
and now they want to keep him overnight.

They are rehydrating him, but his heart rate is so elevated, if
they don't get it down, he'll only last a couple of days. They
want to use a beta blocker, but say that is pretty dangerous too.
It might slow things down too far, and put him into congestive
heart failure. So now we wait.

I knew he wasn't going to last a lot longer, but he's been with
us for over 14 years. The intrepid dog that traveled all over the
country with us, lived with us in 3 different houses, and always
kept going, through eye surgery, 2 knee surgeries, and a heart
problem for the last year and a half. He seems so indestructible.
It is hard to face that he is not.

I think he's had a pretty good run, and a very comfortable life,
I just want him to go easy, without pain and suffering. And then
it gets you thinking about death, in general, and how darned sad
and unfair it is.

Life is too goddamned short.

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