Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Where is Happy?

I realized this morning, that I'm just not happy anymore.
Where did it go? Yes it was a really tough year, with
way too much sickness, and surgery, cold weather, layoffs,
sick pets, and steadily mounting food and gas bills.

But was that enough to get me down? The job I loved so
much if full of stress, but I'm used to that. It seems no
one at work is happy. No one seems to be having fun, where
we used to have quite a bit. Why has that changed there too?
And can I fix it, or do anything about it?

My body is filled with tension and a vague unease.
I was driving along to work and I asked my body, "What
is wrong? What do you want?" I thought maybe it was unhappy
because I'm on the 3rd day of 900 calories. But that wasn't
it. It felt good to be losing weight.

I think it wants green trees, sunshine, and play.

1 comment:

Sister Mary Davis Jr. said...

You know, considering everything I've gone through depressionwise I *almost* think I'd rather be "okay" than "HaPPy!!!" By this I (think) I mean I'd rather have a fairly consistent feeling of contentedness than be on an emotional roller coaster.

There's something rather sad about this, it's like I've given up on passion, but at the same time it's sort of comforting...

Oh my ghod, maybe I've become the Buddha!