Sunday, August 31, 2008

Little Miss Fix-it

I corrected that stupid 410 page manual for 10 hours today!
That was the major one, it's first review. I can't believe I did
that. But when faced with something that needs doing, I have to
do it. If I don't, there isn't anyone else who will. I have to
do my job to the best of my ability or why bother?

But I hate that feeling when I realize the mountain I am facing,
is a lot higher than I thought. And I have to go forward. I
still have 4 manuals to go through tomorrow. Those shouldn't
be as much work, I hope.

What a dumb way to spend the last real weekend of summer.
There I fairs and festivals going on I'd much rather be at.
But as it was, I only went outside for about 10 minutes.
I still believe I'm doing the right thing, but there are days....

Friday, August 29, 2008


I am so exhausted! I am in the midst of a couple of intense months
at work. We have to be done with a project in a scary short amount
of time. It is *almost* do-able, if nothing goes wrong, and of
course, everything is going wrong. Critical hardware committing
suicide, bizarre bugs that take forever to track down, a million
unexpected requests and details.

Every day I walk into work and for the next 9 to 10 hours, I feel
like I am sprinting as fast as I can. It is a whirlwind of madness,
solving problems as I race down the hall. Then I crawl home, my
brain still going a million miles a minute. I think I've transcended
my own brain. I'm juggling so many details I must be forming dozens
of new neural pathways every day.

On the drives to and from work, I think sometimes, I am achieving
enlightenment. I'm thinking on a whole new level, that I've never
been to before. I wonder if you really can change your brain?

And this Labor Day weekend? I'm going to be correcting manuals for
the project and working, of course. (I have to get 5 of them done
by Tuesday - and some of them are over 400 pages! Gah!)

Monday, August 25, 2008

It was a party! And then some!

It was a spectacular Tiki Party! We started at 3 pm on Saturday in
totally beautiful weather. It was the most perfect of summer days.
Everyone showed up and most of them stayed until 1:30 am!

It was just so nice out, everyone just wanted to sit out and
celebrate the waning summer. (That and the massive amount of Tiki
drinks). Our bartender mixed up gallons of Hurricanes, Mai Tai's,
and Peg Leg Punch. The liquor flowed in large amounts, and we
were all veeerrrrrryyy happy puppies.

There was a bit of hangoveredness the next day, but it was a
party to remember. It is our personal end-of-summer blowout.
End of summer! How can that be? Summer was late coming this
year, and now it is winding down.

The old dog continues to be a little better. We didn't think
he would make it to the party, but he did, and enjoyed it very
much. He loves crowds of people and lots of food. I was quite
pleased he made it. Now if he goes soon, at least he had that.

waiting for Tiki Party

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Still Alive and Tiki-ing

Whew! What an intense week at work. I was going at about 2000%.
My mind was completely fried every night when I got home.
But headway is being made, and hopefully it will only go at
this pace for another month or so.

Had 2 medical tests done for the new doctor I'm going to see
next month. He is a super hormone specialist and looks at
everything including adrenal fatigue. I don't want to get my
hopes up, but if there a chance this could help with so many
of my problems, it would be worth any amount of money.

Against all odds, the old dog is still alive. And mysteriously
got a little better these last 3 days. He could barely move
last weekend, he couldn't breathe well, and his heart was way
too fast. But now he is more mobile, and looks like he
is in less pain. He is on double the heart medicine now,
and the antibiotics seem to have taken out the lung infection.
He is costing me about $500 a month now for vet and medicine.
I know most people wouldn't do that for a dog, but my dogs are
my children. I can't not do it.

When I was really poor in college, if I had little money, I
would buy food for the dog, before I would buy myself food. I can't
bear to see my dogs suffer. I understand pain or hunger and what
causes it, and that it will probably end. But you can't explain
that to your dog. I hate looking into their eyes when they are
hurting, and they don't understand what it happening. I want to
prevent that from happening to them.

So it is time to PARTY! Big Tiki barbeque at our house today -
a joint effort by the three of us, and our friends Joel and
Mike. It is a spectacular day - sunny and drop dead gorgeous
summery out. I hope everyone shows up and we have an amazing
party. I really need a fun day!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

And the challenge of the hour is....

I think I have too much practice overcoming adversity.
I'm ready to practice being rich and traveling and having too
much fun.

The back took until today to heal up. And probably all the limping
around with the bad back has screwed up my leg. A huge painful
knot in it, making it hard to walk.

Battling a lot of stress. Work and health are getting to me.
(and no vacation for over a year....). Couple of big projects
in full swing at work, and trying to deal with why I feel so
rotten all the time in the health front.

I did a lot of reading about the hormone balances of cortisol,
thyroid, progesterone and such. It looks like a good bet for
the source of a lot of the problems - but you need a lot of
tests, and someone who knows what they are doing (read expensive).

I fretted all weekend about going to a local expert doctor, and
finally contacted them. I think I'm going to give it a try.
It caused me a lot of stress this weekend, making the decision
- if I should spend the money and go back in debt (which I just
got out of), because it might not work. However, living like I
am now isn't worth it.

Also I think we are on death watch again on the old dog. He is
declining, in spite of hundreds of dollars of meds and vet visits.
I beg the powers that be and the animal spirits, every hour, that
he will go comfortably in his sleep. He is sleeping all the time
now, but he still is eating and drinking - so I just have no idea
how long he has. I was sure he was going to die several times in
the last 6 months. It is a stressful and heartbreaking thing to
watch. It preys on my mind a lot.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Humming along... and then!

Had a good weekend, we went out with a friend and planned the
upcoming bi-annual Tiki barbeque. It was a beautiful Saturday
day, about as perfect as them come. To do the planning, we
appropriately went to our favorite Tiki bar, and sipped lush
coconut drinks.

Then off to another friends birthday party. I ate dinner late
so I didn't scarf down all the cake. I didn't even have any!
The diet isn't going so well. I was faithfully eating right
and exercising hard, and still the weight isn't budging.

In fact I'm still slowly gaining weight, as I have been for the
last 3 years. I'm convinced there is something not balanced
right in my body. How can you gain weight when eating less
than 1500 calories for years?

I did some research and found a perfect match in "adrenal fatigue".
Doctors aren't convinced it exists, but most alternative medicine
and holistic doctors are. I got a couple of supplements, and
am trying them. Nothing much to lose by trying!

Then, in spite of doing lots of abs and back strengthening
exercises the last 2 weeks, I hurt my back sitting up in bed
this morning. How unglamorous. I can't quite straighten up
fully when I walk. It hurt and swelled all day, so I came home
a bit early, and logged back into work with an ice pack on
my lower back. The ice feels really good, I usually hate icing.

So much for my big workout tonight....

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Abs and more Abs

Back humming along at work. I miss the weekend, already -
even if it did involve cleaning out the refrigerator :)

Still "Abs Diet-ing". Still no real weight loss, but I'm still
obviously putting on muscle. I should know, they all HURT!
Some of the workout days are pretty challenging, I'm really
out of shape after my foot surgery. And boy do my Abs hurt.
There are lots of Abs exercises, unsurprisingly enough.

But I love the diet, I really never am hungry, something pretty
rare for me. Even if it doesn't work, it is a good way to
eat. I hope it works, though. It is one I could stay on
pretty much forever.

The author really got into smoothies - something I've tried
a few times but never cared much about. Until I tried his.
He's got about 50 recipes for them, and they involve oatmeal,
peanut butter, and lots o' good and filling things. Yum!
I look forward to them in the morning.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Abs ahoy!

Yay, Friday, Friday, Yay!
It was quite the long week at work - lots to do.
I'm really looking forward to a quiet weekend.

Not much going on. I tried "The Abs Diet" this week, because
nothing else seems to be working. I love the food, and the
fact that I am very satisfied by it, and never hungry. There
are also a lot of weight lifting and abs exercises that go
with the diet.

They were nothing short of miraculous. I felt better and stronger
every day, until today. I think I pulled a major hamstring
muscle doing leg curls, and my leg kept giving out on me.
I think I'll skip the exercise tonight - it is a major leg

So I feel better, and stronger, but unfortunately I haven't
actually lost any weight... Well, I'll keep going on it for
a couple of weeks, because I like the food. I may also be
gaining muscle weight, masking any effects. If it doesn't
work, I'm clean out of ideas. I've tried everything at this
point, and they'd have to invent gene technology to help me
fight off this flab.

And now....weekend!